


remember all the   broken promises

by corneliaolivia



Category: Sanvers - Fandom, Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/F, Sanvers Week
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-18
Updated: 2018-10-11
Packaged: 2019-06-29 00:03:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 29,730
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15717798
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/corneliaolivia/pseuds/corneliaolivia
Summary: Alex and Maggie season 4 Reunion- Alex and Maggie lay eyes on each other again a year after their breakup. The DEO and the NCPD work together to solve a case about the robbery at the city’s art gallery and when Alex and Maggie get teamed up together the tension begins. Old feelings find their way to the surface and will Alex’s new girlfriend complicate her situation with Maggie? Read this angsty and slowburn story to find out if the past lovers can find their way back





	1. Alex and Maggie Reunion part 1 of ?

**Author's Note:**

> With all the drama going around in the fandom right now about Alex's possibly new li I got a lot of ideas and scenarios that I would love to happen so here's a little taste of that. So this story plays out in season 4 with Alex's new ''gf'' , I hope you like it and let me know if you want me to continue with this story and make it multi chapters! :)
> 
> Also apologize if there's any typos or wrong grammar, I haven't had the time to read through it as closely as I'd like.

Three hundred and seventy three days. Over a year, that’s how long it’d been. Not that Alex was counting or keeping track of the time she’d spent without the other woman by her side. Her partner in crime, her ride or die & her, as she had once thought, love of her life. But most of all, that’s how long she’d spent without her best friend. Losing her soon to be wife was one thing, but Maggie had been so much more than that. She was her soulmate and the only person in the world that Alex had trusted with her life, the only person she’s ever truly loved.

 

This past year had been one of Alex’s hardest. She’d never truly realized how much she had shared with Maggie. How much a place, or a smell had meant. She couldn’t even enjoy beer nights anymore because the place they were all hanging out at was originally Maggie’s. It was the place that whenever Alex walked in she would find Maggie practicing her skills at pool and then try to convince Alex to have a match with her. She couldn’t enjoy taking a walk in the park and past the ice cream truck because that’s were Maggie would always insist on stopping by and buy the ridiculous and gross vegan ice cream.

 

But Alex was moving on, that’s what she told herself. She had to because Maggie probably had and this whole thing had been Alex’s idea so of course she was moving on, she had moved on and she was happy. No matter how hard this year had been, Kara had made sure to help Alex through it. She’d been setting her up with women trying to get her sister out there again. And she had. One year later and she was finally happy with someone new. Someone who wanted the same things as herself, so how could she not be happy? Alex’s relationship with Maggie ended for a reason, it wasn’t right even though it felt more than so. But in this new relationship with a beautiful girl named Kelly, Alex had everything she’d ever wanted. Kelly was beautiful, funny and she wanted kids so of course it was right. It had to be.

 

She tightened her fingers around the glass of scotch as she brought it closer to her mouth. The latest thoughts engraved into her mind leaving her with a worse headache than she would have tomorrow morning from all the alcohol she had forced into her body all night.

 

‘’ Babe, you still up? ‘’

 

Two warm hands around her shoulders and Alex tightened into her embrace.

 

‘’ I thought you’d be asleep by the time I got home, but now that you’re not .. ‘’

 

Kelly’s hands travelled from Alex’s shoulders, down over her upper arms while her breath smoothly brushed over the back of Alex’s neck. She put down the glass with her girlfriend’s lips barely touching her. Too tired to care, she didn’t stop her nor did she collaborate with her.

 

‘’ I’m off tomorrow and I happen to know that you don’t have work before lunch so we have…’’

 

Soft, wet kisses leaving a path down Alex’s neck with a few words to break apart.  

 

‘’.. all night long. ‘’

 

Closing her eyes she let her girlfriend take control over her. Just for a minute needing to feel the warmth and the feeling of being touched and loved. With Kelly’s hands travelling down Alex’s abdomen, reaching for the hem of her t-shirt. A shirt that didn’t fit her anymore, a shirt that belonged to someone else. Slowly she opened her eyes again only to look down on the orange shirt covering her. It felt too small, the sun printed in the middle of it carving itself into her gut and leaving her feeling like an open wound. She shrugged away.

 

‘’ Stop, stop. Actually I.. uhm.. I do have work tomorrow morning..’’

 

She glanced over her shoulder, feeling the stinging pain all down her spine when she reached Kelly’s eyes who immediately backed away.

 

‘’ Oh okay, uhm I thought they’d told you to come in later? ‘’

 

‘’ .. yeah, I ..uhm.. Kara needed some help with a mission tomorrow morning. ‘’

 

She swallowed down the shame and guilt that had grown in the back of her throat before she stood up from the chair by the kitchen island.

 

‘’ I’ll just take a quick shower but I’ll see you in bed. ‘’

 

She gently gave Kelly’s hand a squeeze, followed by a half smile before she made her way into the shower.

 

To be honest Alex couldn’t wrap her head around what the problem was and she hated how she made herself feel, or even worse how she made Kelly feel. Kelly was beautiful, her dark wavy hair capturing her soft facial features perfectly. With small, barely noticeable freckles all over her nose and eyes darker than the cold days of december. She was pretty in so many ways and she loved Alex, so what was the problem?

 

Alex was quick to lock the door behind her but even quicker to throw the shirt off of her. It should’ve been the first thing she threw out after Maggie, too many painful memories stuck in it. Too much of her. Alex could even swear it had the perfect smell of strawberries and Maggie’s coconut oil still lingering deep in the fabric. The sunshine shirt basically screamed Maggie and Alex wasn’t sure why she still had it, why she still wore it.

 

A deep sigh escaped her tired lips with a bitter taste of scotch on the back of her tongue before she tossed the shirt into the laundry basket.

  


************

 

The morning sun reflecting out a light over Alex’s whole apartment, legs tangled together between the grey fabric of her sheets. A soft, very feminine body pressed against her back with warm fingers brushing over her bare skin between her shirt and underwear.

 

She turned around to find Kelly still sleeping peacefully by her side. Her dark, wavy hair around her face and her lips barely parted. A smile spreading over the corner of Alex’s mouth at the sight of it. Kelly was amazing and it was about time Alex started to truly appreciate it. That’s why she’d cut holes all over the damn sunshine shirt and threw it in the trash before she went to bed late last night. Needing to get out everything that reminded her of Maggie if she would be able to start something new and fresh with Kelly.

 

She moved her fingers to lightly brush a string of hair away from Kelly’s sleeping face but the gentle touch immediately made Kelly move and a groan to escape the back of her mouth.

 

‘’ Haven’t you gone to work yet? I thought you’d help Kara with something. ‘’

Her sleepy, still raspy voice letting out while her eyes were still shut close, not ready to greet the light the sun reflected in on them.

 

Alex moved closer. Her fingers softly caressing the line of Kelly’s jaw before they wandered higher and brushed through her soft hair to the back of her neck.

 

‘’ I will, but I just wanted to stay here a bit longer with you. ‘’

 

One of her girlfriend’s eyes immediately shut open while a light smile spread all over her face.

 

‘’ Mhm. ‘’

She hummed sleepingly while her right hand wandered to Alex’s back. Sliding her hand softly under the fabric of her shirt and gently caressed the bare skin on her back.

 

Soft kisses tiredly greeted Alex’s lips. The taste of morning breath and a slight bitter taste of scotch but Alex didn’t care, and by the way Kelly’s lips worked with her own, neither did she. She let her hand wander through the softness of Kelly’s dark hair, liking how her fingers got tangled in it as she could feel her girlfriend’s hand gripping by her naked skin on her back trying to pull her even closer.  

 

‘’ Oh.. okay…’’

 

A deep breath leaving both of them as Alex slowly pulled away and an immediate whine leaving her girlfriend at the loss of contact. She let her thumb trace over the now wetness of her girlfriend’s soft lips before she looked up to meet her eyes.

 

‘’ I can’t be late, Kara needs me to come down and look over some crime evidence. ‘’

 

Kelly kept her hand steady on Alex’s bare back while her lips now formed themselves into a pout.

 

‘’ It won’t take long. ‘’

 

‘’ Well in that case.. ‘’

 

Alex could feel the loss of contact as Kelly slightly removed her hand from Alex’s back, instead moving it higher up to her neck, slowly but steady running her fingers through her hair.

 

‘’... Let me come with? ‘’

 

Alex could feel her brow raise, Kelly had never followed her to work before and she wasn’t sure why she would now. But before she had time to answer her girlfriend was fast out of bed.

 

‘’ Come on it’ll be fun, I’ll get to meet your sister, maybe even Supergirl. ‘’

 

Her raspy voice spread out over the apartment as she made her way towards the kitchen. The words immediately scanning through Alex’s mind and leaving her with an empty feeling in her gut. They had been dating for almost 2 months now but Alex still hadn’t told her about Kara. She wasn’t even sure why, it just had never felt right.

 

She threw the sheets off from her body and let the coldness of the room embrace her while she stood from the bed. She was looking directly at her girlfriend but still not noticing the ripped apart orange shirt she held in her hand.

 

‘’ What’s this? ‘’

 

The words soon settled in and brought Alex right back to present. The once very comfortable and joyful sunshine shirt was now cut in pieces.

 

‘’ Oh. Oh. That’s uhm..’’

 

‘’ I didn’t like it. ‘’

 

Kelly’s eyebrows raised in confusion before she looked over at the shirt in her hand.

 

‘’ But you love this shirt. ‘’

 

‘’ You always told me it’s your favorite and therefore you haven’t let me borrowed it once. ‘’

 

Her girlfriend’s hands traced over the now destroyed t-shirt. She wasn’t wrong, it had been her favorite, for a very long time. But now it was just another weight of a story she wanted to leave behind.

 

‘’ And you always looked so cute in this. ‘’

 

Kelly kept going, not noticing Alex’s silence in the other part of the room.

 

‘’ I didn’t like it. ‘’

 

She repeated.

  


******

  
  


The place was even more crowded than Alex had thought it’d be as she arrived to find both people from the police department and a big van from the local news center. The place was closed off around the art gallery where many police officers now walked around and tried to find as much evidence as possible.

 

They had gotten in a report yesterday evening that the gallery was robbed and as far as Alex knew, a few police officers had been here then to close the place off and investigate but clearly needed more help today.

 

‘’ Alex, hey you made it. ‘’

 

Her sister was soon up and greeting her by her side.

 

‘’ Hey. ‘’

 

Two strong arms pulled her into a loving hug before Kara noticed the other woman behind Alex and quickly pulled away again.

 

‘’ Kelly, hi. I didn’t knew you’d come. ‘’

 

Dressed in her usual Kara outfit, with a button up and jeans, it was clear that Kara was here for a mission as a reporter and could therefore reach out her hand and greet Kelly as herself. Alex watched how their hands steady locked together and how the unsure smile started to contour the corner of Kara’s mouth.

 

‘’ It’s nice to meet you Kara, I didn’t have much to do anyway so Alex let me tag along. ‘’

 

A firm grip was soon felt around Alex’s waist as Kelly pulled her closer to her side. The awkward energy quickly spread through the space between them and with a half, unsure smile Kara met Alex’s eyes. The whole situation Alex suddenly found herself in quickly made her feel very uncomfortable, in an environment and in clothes that usually calms her down and makes her feel more confident now leaves her with a stinging pain of shame and embarrassment in her gut. Not sure if it’s the arm pressed around her and her sudden, very public relationship with Kelly or the fact that she knew that her sister probably felt the discomfort too.

  


Trying to avoid the situation Alex searches the place, trying to place her eyes anywhere but on her girlfriend or her sister. Needing something to distract her, something to save her from the silent situation. Something to..-

 

Far away, near the entrance of the gallery her eyes lands on something too familiar, something her eyes had most definitely seen before. The blue color of the jacket reflecting out over everything around them, the dark hair hanging down over both of her shoulders. The world around her stops as the feeling in her gut becomes cold as ice. Alex watch as the woman is exchanging words with a taller man. A man that Alex couldn’t care less about. It’s too far away to point out what they’re talking about but just far enough to recognize the familiar face. Her dark eyes, the small freckles over her nose that’s barely only noticeable during summer and her dimples that’s engraved themselves into both of her cheeks, getting bigger as her angelic smile does so.

 

Little by little had small details about her disappeared from Alex’s memory. She had hated it, she had tried to hold onto everything for as long as possible. Still buying the shower gel Maggie always used, or the perfume that really only smelled the best on Maggie. She hadn’t dared to touch Maggie’s side of the bed for so long, the smell of her still lingering long within the sheets. Since she started dating Kelly, Alex took over Maggie’s side of the bed, not wanting anyone else to touch it, to have it. Because Maggie couldn’t be replaced, ever.

  


Alex took every minute she had to study the familiar woman closely. Letting her eyes wander slowly up and down over her body. Most of her was covered in the way oversized police jacket that Alex always used to find adorable. She was wearing her black jeans to match with her black boots. Still looking just as beautiful as the first time Alex had seen her. She swallowed down the lump in the back of her throat that she hadn’t even realized had grown itself up there as Kelly suddenly squeezed Alex’s side.

 

‘’ You okay babe? ‘’

 

With suddenly water filled eyes she forced her eyes off of Maggie and glanced over at the woman by her side.

 

‘’ Yeah. ‘’

 

Alex nodded in pace with every word leaving her mouth but could tell that it wasn’t all too convincing.

 

‘’ I’m good. ‘’

 

She tried again. It took every nerve in her body not to look back at the woman that after so many months caught her attention again. With a fake smile to cover it up she failed miserably, she looked back again only to find Maggie glancing back at her over her shoulder, and in an instant their eyes met.

 

Eyes cutting her open in exactly the right places, burning through her body and suddenly making her forget how to breathe. Maggie’s expression is bleak, her lips barely parted, probably in the same shock as Alex. But she doesn’t look away, she’s letting her eyes cut like knives through Alex’s fragile body. The distance between them is far, but just far enough. They stay still for a minute, letting the world keep going around them while they stay in silence, letting their eyes adjust to all the old memories, all the old feelings that suddenly becomes so real.

 

A moment that feels more like a lifetime but still not long enough passes before Maggie quickly looks away, saying something to the other man again before they both walk away further into the crowd shielding them.

 

The world seem to come circling in around Alex, leaving her trapped with no room to breathe as she fights the urge to run after Maggie. Push through the heated crowd of people and just get to her. But she can’t. The girl by her side with her hand around Alex’s waist in a firm grip pulling her back. It takes a second for her mind to settle down before she realizes the image she’d just shown Maggie. Sneaking a glance down on her girlfriend’s hand around her she sees what Maggie just witnessed. For Alex had seeing Maggie just been about the two of them, a short moment shared secretly between them and their old love but she wasn’t thinking about how Maggie probably just saw something else. And that was Alex in the arms of someone else. Her stomach twisted at the thought of it and her mind just became as blank as the still ocean on a late summer night.

  


********

  


Over a year she had managed to stay away. Taking on collaboration shifts with the police department in New York City just for the sake of staying away as far as possible. Staying away from a place she once called home but now reminded her of everything she’d lost. She’d been switching places to crash each night, going from sleeping on one couch of one of her colleagues to the other. Sometimes renting a cheap motel room just for the sake of having somewhere to sleep. It had been tough but she was managing. Maggie had tried to get in contact with her aunt again but she lived too far away now, it’d be too far to still keep her work at the NCPD and that was one thing Maggie wasn’t ready to lose.

 

Her boss had understood though, in the beginning of her breakup with Alex she barely wanted to go out. So her boss sent her to New York to work on some collaborations with them, a work that other officers had been chosen to do but that he easily could fix so that Maggie would do it instead. It had helped though, getting out of town just.. getting away for awhile. Seeing something new, new places and new people. She still didn’t go out much though. The fear of running into Alex or some of her friends too big. The alien bar she’d left, too crowded by people she now just wanted to avoid. But it had been over a year and Maggie couldn’t hide anymore. She got home from her work in New York a little over two weeks ago and had just been lucky to not run into anyone.

 

But now here she stood, familiar eyes digging deeper like a bullet hitting her chest, carving itself to the bottom of her heart and tearing her apart all over again. Making her feel like the world suddenly fell onto her shoulders and made her feel smaller than ever before, weaker than she ever had.

 

She fought every nerve in her body to hold back the tears that quickly filled her eyes. Making her vision blurry but still being able to see it all too clear. Her eyes studied every inch of the woman away from her. She looked different. The soft hair Maggie remembered to love running her fingers through were gone, replaced by an undercut and slicked back hair. It looked good, different. But good. Maggie couldn’t help to notice how her clothes were different too. Her usual DEO suit replaced by a new one, a tougher looking one. The vision of Alex that Maggie had saved deep in the back of her mind, engraved into her heart were gone. Alex was different, everything about her was. She didn’t look like the person Maggie once knew. On the other hand it had been over a year, a lot changes in that amount of time but Maggie couldn’t help but think about all the other things that might have changed too. Did she still live in her one room apartment? Did she still brag about the delicious dinner she’d make but always ended up ordering in anyway? Did she finally have the life she’d wished for?

 

Thinking about it Maggie hadn’t offered Alex much during their time together. All she had was herself and her enormous love for Alex. Maggie wasn’t much of a cook either and rarely made romantic dinner for the two of them, often just settling for delicious fast food in front of the tv. It had been more than enough for her, but apparently not for Alex. Maybe now she finally had everything she’d ever wanted. By the woman holding Alex a little too close to her body it was very possible. She’d moved on. The woman beside Alex looked beautiful, dark wavy hair hanging down her back. Eyes darker than the night sky and a body that most people would kill for. Maybe she was an amazing cook too, making Alex romantic dinners every night she got home from work, maybe even having a child greeting Alex by the door. Finally giving her everything she’d ever deserved, giving her everything Maggie hadn’t been able to.

 

Maggie shrugged the thought away, forcing her eyes away from the other woman. She was clearly happy, had clearly moved on and she didn’t need Maggie to get in between that now. To show her desperate self in front of her and show how little she herself had moved on.

 

‘’ I.. uhm.. I think we’re done here for now. ‘’

 

She clears her throat while scratching her forehead, hating how the words left her mouth so weakly. But she needed to get away, not to hide but to find a place to breathe. Find a place that didn’t feel like the world were swallowing her whole.

 

For over a year she had managed to stay away, to give her mind time and peace to forget about it all. But no matter how far she went or how long she stayed away she didn’t forget. She could never forget. But over a year she had managed to stay away, why couldn’t that just keep going for a little while longer, just until all the memories were gone, until the aching in her heart had faded or her eyes not tearing up every time she went to bed and the loneliness that immediately greeted her.

 

Maggie ran her fingers through her hair, finally letting out the breath she didn’t know she was holding.

 

‘’ Sawyer! ‘’

 

She turned from where she was standing, facing the path the voice just came from in the crowd of people and the flash of the sirens on the cars around them. A man from her own came walking through the crowd, getting closer to her by every step. His police jacket fitting him better than Maggie’s own did. In his hand he held a grey file he quickly gave over to her as soon as he was close enough.

 

‘’ Here’s all the reports you need, Mr.Coleman needs you to look over everything but you’ve been teamed up with a partner that should be here soon. ‘’

 

She traced her fingers over the file, letting her hands adjust to the material of it while taking in every word her colleague explained.

 

‘’ Okay, well who’s my partner then? ‘’

 

The man before her immediately started to read through the other papers he was holding in his hand, looking for the information Maggie was seeking.

 

‘’ Uhm… Director Danvers. ‘’

  


*********


	2. Alex and Maggie Reunion part 2 of ?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sanvers first interaction

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The story continues, keep in mind in this chapter too that there might be some wrong grammar and I'm so sorry in advance if there is but hopefully it's still readable. Anyway it's so much fun working on this story and I hope you enjoy it too!

 

Over 7 billion people, 195 countries & 50 different states in the US, out of all people and out of all places it had to be Maggie, right here and right now. How big was the coincidence that they would meet today, on the same place and at the same time and then also get paired up together when they hadn’t seen each other for over three hundred and seventy  three days? Maybe it had just been pure luck that they hadn’t ran into each other sooner, after all National City isn’t a very big city and not with too many people to fill it. Thinking about it made a strange feeling run through the veins in Alex’s body. How was it that they hadn’t seen each other in so long? It was beer night at the alien bar every friday night, a place where Alex knew that Maggie loved to hang out at and yet Alex had never seen her there since their breakup. Nor had she seen her outside of her favorite ice cream truck, outside the yoga class or even down at the police department. Right after their breakup Alex had thought that it was just a matter of time before they’d run into each other at the grocery store. But now Alex couldn’t help but think why they hadn’t. She thought back to the day a few weeks after their breakup, to the day when Maggie had randomly asked Alex for her passport and telling her that she was leaving. Had Maggie moved away? Maybe she had moved to live with her aunt again. She knew Maggie spent her first night at a friend’s house but she couldn’t still be living there could she? So many questions scanned its way through Alex’s mind, trying to sort them out the best she could on her own but it didn’t erase the fact that she, in a short amount of time would have to face Maggie for the first time in over a year and talk to her. Alex wasn’t sure how to act, millions of questions circling her mind on what she was supposed to say, what she was supposed to do. What do you tell someone you once loved but kicked out because you realized that it didn’t work out? That it hadn’t been enough.

 

Alex said goodbye to Kelly a little over ten minutes ago, telling her that the work would probably take longer than she had thought and that it’d require more from Alex and her work as a director than just be there to look over some evidence. Kelly hadn’t fought against it though, she’d just been happy to meet Kara again and get a little glimpse of the work Alex is doing. It was only then, once she’d left that Kara pulled Alex to the side and told her about Maggie. About how she’d heard someone call her name but had actually not seen her yet and after that it was just a short amount of time before a man, looking like he was in charge of the whole thing handed out reports for the people that were in on the case. Pairing them up with different detectives and DEO agents.

 

Alex remembered how just in the moment that she had looked down on the paper, read the letters that spelled out the name she’d once loved running out from the tip of her tongue suddenly had her freeze in position. _Maggie Sawyer_. Her stomach dropped and the vision around her became blurry as it felt like everything was moving in slow motion, like the world carried on around her but she herself had just stopped in time.

 

Her hands were sweating as she clasped them together in front of her body, trying her best to pull herself together. Going over and over the words that made sense to say to Maggie even though it felt like nothing did. So many months after their breakup Alex spent hating herself, regretting the decision she made and just wanted to call Maggie. Run into her arms and have Maggie tell her that everything would be okay. How many sleepless nights she’d spent thinking about every word she’d said that had now just became another scar on Maggie’s fragile skin. Alex couldn’t blame her if she’d spent the last year hating Alex for what she did, maybe Maggie didn’t want to meet her. Maybe she’d rather be anywhere but here.

 

A deep breath leaves Alex’s heavy lungs, easing the weight of the feelings and memories she’s carrying as she’s making her way through the crowd of people. Her legs starting to fail her, feeling like gel holding up her tired body. Just barely being able to move her forward. For a second, with every thought spinning around in her head it feels like if she’s moving backwards rather than forward, forward towards Maggie. Towards her past. Keeping her eyes straight forward to the destination she’s eager to reach it feels like moments of her past flashes through her. Like she’s walking in a storm towards the opposite direction with waves from her past dragging her back, telling her to not keep moving. But she does reach her destination, and suddenly there she stands and looking her past in the eyes. Because there’s no such thing as the time stops, it doesn’t stop for anyone. So she’s gotta keep moving. Keep her feelings settled and face the consequences of the actions she once made.

 

Her hands sweaty and her mouth drier than the Sahara desert she watches Maggie from where she stands, now just a few feet behind her. Maggie is standing by her police car, the red and blue lighting from the sirens reflecting onto her soft but serious face as she’s reading something from the grey file she’s holding. She’s looking busy, almost too busy for Alex to interrupt her and say hello. But she’s got to because whether or not they like it they’d now been teamed up together. She gathers all the saliva left in her dry mouth to swallow back the lump in the back of her throat before she takes a step forward.

 

‘’ Danvers. ‘’

A half smile covering up the corner of Maggie’s mouth, making her dimples barely noticeable.

 

‘’ Or should I say _Director_ Danvers? ‘’

 

For the first time Maggie turns to finally face Alex as she’s handing over the file she had just studied. This time her smile a little brighter, her eyes squinting just like Alex remembered them to always do when she smiled like that.

 

A nervous but quick laugh forcing its way up Alex’s throat, she gladly takes the file and reads through it. Looking for any excuse not to look into Maggie’s dark eyes for too long.

 

‘’ Uhm.. yeah.. long story, I guess you could say a lot have changed this past year. ‘’

 

Alex could feel Maggie’s burning eyes through her, seeing all the way down to her soul as she signed the report on the bottom right of the paper. Signing that she’s somehow agreeing to working on this case together with Maggie. She studies the report a final time before she hands it back to Maggie.

 

A deep, calming breath leaving the depth of Maggie’s lungs as her eyes wander over Alex’s whole body while she’s taking back the file in her hand. Alex could feel Maggie’s eyes scanning her, eyes warm like fire through her skin.

 

‘’ Yeah I can see that. ‘’

 

Alex smiled weakly, unsure of how to take the comment, unsure of how Maggie had meant it and if it had been in a good way or a bad. Silence started to settle in between the two, just the chatter in the back and all around them keeping the place from going completely silent. For someone who had build up words for months that she wanted to say to Maggie it suddenly felt like no words had ever been created on the surface of the earth. Her hands still as sweaty she placed them on her hips, letting them wander to her back as her eyes were still glued to Maggie. So many questions she wanted to ask but nothing getting past to leave her mouth. Just watching as Maggie signs her part of the report before turning her eyes right back to greet Alex’s for a final look. Alex was too familiar with all the different smiles that Maggie had, and the non-dimpled, slightly squinted eyes - smile she was wearing right now was just a cover up, Alex could tell. She always used to do that smile when she tried to be polite but still wasn’t fully happy. It wasn’t a real smile.

 

‘’ Are you okay with this? Us working together? Because if not I can..- ‘’

 

‘’ I’m okay with it. ‘’

 

‘’ I mean, as long as you are. ‘’

 

Alex cut her off and she soon after noticed Maggie pull her lips together in a thin line as her eyes met the ground between them, looking anywhere but at Alex. Even in her new suit, even with her new role as director the way Maggie _wasn’t_ looking at her made her feel smaller than anything ever had. Nothing had ever been able to hit her with the same type of feeling. The feeling as if someone had just punched her in the throat and leaving her without any air. Maybe Alex was okay with working with Maggie even considering their history but maybe Maggie wasn’t feeling the same.

 

‘’ Uhm.. I mean if you’re not okay with this I’m sure we can talk to some people and have it rearranged. ‘’  

 

Maggie looked up at her again. Eyes once filled with joy and hope now left bleak and empty. She pulled a string of hair behind her ear, the same way Alex always used to love. Having her fingers play in Maggie’s soft slightly wavy hair, completely loving the way her fingers got tangled in it while Maggie smiled against her lips. It sent butterflies down her stomach every time. Before they’d gotten together Alex had always wondered what it would feel like. To have her hands play in Maggie’s hair, letting it run softly between her fingertips. And truthfully told, it had been even better in reality than it ever was in her dreams.

 

‘’ It’s fine, I can do the rest of the work for today down by the police station so I’ll just text you if there’s anything I need you for or if there’s anything we both need to do together. ‘’

 

A sharp smile followed by tiny nod before Maggie turned away, about to leave and end like their conversation was nothing. Like they hadn’t seen each other in over a year or the fact that they’d been close to spend a lifetime together, now just ready to walk away from that like it was nothing.

 

‘’ Maggie. ‘’

 

Without any doubt or hesitation Alex got a hold of Maggie’s upper arm, spinned her around and placed herself in front of Maggie again. Her heart and reflexes had reacted faster than her mind had time to keep up. A quick look down on her grip around Maggie’s arm before she instantly let it go. She cleared her throat, unsure of what to say now that she finally had a second chance to. By Maggie’s tilted head in a searching expression she was just as confused.   

 

‘’ ..Uhm... how.. how are you doing? ‘’

 

Maggie’s lips parted, letting more air in to fill her lungs as her head slightly lifted upwards.

 

‘’ Are you seeing anyone..? ‘’

‘’ Do you.. do you have a place to stay? ‘’

 

‘’ I’m good, Alex. ‘’

 

She nodded convincingly every word that left her mouth. Eyes still doleful without any answers. Reading exactly what was on Maggie’s mind had been one of Alex’s few expertises but now it seemed like no matter how hard she tried she couldn’t reach through.

 

Maggie waved shortly with the file in her left hand as her sharp smile remained on her lips, feeling like a punch to Alex’s gut by the sight of it.

 

‘’ Now though I have some work to get back to, so I’ll see around Danvers. ‘’

 

She quickly turned around and opened the door to the driver's seat where her car stood parked just behind her. Forcing her body to move Alex stepped aside, leaving room for Maggie to drive away before the door was loudly shut after her.

 

********

 

The loud thud from her heavy bag hitting the floor as she slowly let it fall down her tired shoulder echoed through the small motel room. Her fingertips slowly tracing the wall while searching for the light switch and soon enough letting it spread out all over the dark room. It takes a while for Maggie’s tired eyes to adjust to the light but looking around the room it didn’t seem too bad. It wasn’t the best or most appealing motel room she’d ever rented but it was manageable. It was a small one room bedroom, a tiny bathroom immediately to the left from the front door barely just big enough for a toilet, a sink and a very tiny shower. A double sized bed further into the room with a nightstand on each side. The whole room smelled like old furnitures and a bit of smoke but it’d do.

 

Walking further into the room, Maggie gently placed her keychain on the wooden nightstand on the left side of the bed before she herself sat down on the very hard and uncomfortable mattress. It had been a long day, not just for the fact that she’d barely gotten any sleep for the past couple of months and was constantly in need of coffee or energy drinks to keep herself going and functioning but also for the fact that she had met Alex. Maggie knew that she couldn’t go forever without bumping into her but she never could’ve prepared herself for the way she’d felt once it had happened.

She had barely been able to look Alex in the eye, but at the same time wanting to take in all the new details about her. She’d seemed so familiar and yet so unknown.

 

Taking a few deep breaths, easing the weight of her lungs she closed her eyes. For the first time today just feeling like she could breathe, like she could embrace all of her emotions without anyone to see her, to judge her or to ask questions. Without Alex doing any of those things. But she had, she had asked questions and Maggie wasn’t sure why. She was still as confused as back then to why Alex had asked. Had anyone told her anything? Had Maggie looked so down and depressed and barely put together that Alex had felt the need to ask? Maggie hadn’t been sure to why she asked and she also hadn’t been ready to answer it.

 

Suddenly her phone display lit up and soon after a few ringtones began to echo through the room. Maggie looked down on the phone in her hand and couldn’t stop the smile spreading up over her lips nor the tears burning deep in her eyes by seeing her aunt’s name on the screen.

 

‘’ Maggie, hi honey. I’m so sorry for calling so late and for the missed calls, are you okay? ‘’

 

Maggie hadn’t talked to her aunt in what felt like forever, the sound of her voice soothing her and making her feel like her teenage self again had her tears burn even stronger in her eyes.

 

‘’ Ugh yeah… I’m good. ‘’

 

Maggie could hear her aunt’s deep sigh in the far end of the phone, probably hearing Maggie’s cracking voice from there.

 

‘’ It’s so good to hear your voice. ‘’

 

‘’ Oh sweetheart. ‘’

 

Maggie wasn’t even able to hold back the tears anymore, nor did she fight the urge to. Slowly one by one she let them leave a wet path down her cheek before she quickly wiped them away with the back of her hand.

 

‘’ I’ve been away on vacation and that’s why I haven’t been able to return your calls until now. I landed earlier this afternoon and called you first thing I did when I got home. ‘’

‘’ It’s okay.’’

 

Another deep breath was heard through the phone from the other end like Maggie could literally hear her aunt right next to her.

 

‘’ Is there anything you need honey? Do you need me to send you more money? Or do you want me to buy you a plane ticket to fly over here? You know you’re always welcome back, your childhood bedroom is still here waiting if you want it. ‘’

 

Maggie buried her face deep into the palm of her hand while she leaned forward from where she was sitting on the edge of the bed. The tears from her eyes running faster now, burning into her skin while they did so. Her throat started to dry up and she was barely able to get any words out.

 

‘’ I met her today. ‘’

 

She removed her face from her palm but still letting her chin rest against her hand. A hand wet from the tears sinking into it but Maggie didn’t care. She wasn’t sure if this sudden breakdown was from finally hearing her aunt’s familiar and soothing voice or if it was all the emotions that she kept pushing away during her meeting with Alex that finally found their way to the surface. Maybe it was a mix of both. Her aunt sighed from the other end.

 

‘’ How did that go? ‘’

 

‘’ I don’t know, she.. ‘’

 

It became quiet, the dryness in Maggie’s throat keeping her from letting any words out. She swallowed back the big lump that had gathered in her throat with the last bit of saliva she had.

 

‘’ ..She’s moved on, she.. ‘’

‘’ .. She seemed happy. ‘’

 

Maggie’s head pounding harder the faster her tears began to fall. Letting the thoughts out into words suddenly got a whole other meaning to it, a heavier one.

 

‘’ And now I’m working on this case with her. ‘’

‘’ Hey, you don’t have to do anything that you don’t want to do or feel uncomfortable doing. ‘’

 

Maggie nodded to the words.

 

‘’ Yeah I know, but I can’t hide anymore Tia. ‘’

 

‘’ I know honey. Listen, do whatever feels right and whatever you feel like you can handle but if you ever need anything you know where you’ve got me. ‘’

 

She wiped away the tears from both sides of her cheeks, sniffed back her running nose and took a deep breath to just ease some of the weight in her chest.

 

‘’ Thank you. ‘’

 

‘’ You’ve always got me kiddo. ‘’

 

Their emotional call ended short after. The silence once again found its way to every corner of the room. The feeling of loneliness grew bigger from the tip of Maggie’s toes all the way up to her fingers as she sat alone on the edge of the bed in a cheap motel room at eleven o'clock on a Tuesday night. The loneliness wasn’t the worst part, Maggie had gotten used to that but it was the embarrassment and humiliation of having to crash at a motel basically every night. She’d sold the apartment she once had a few blocks from the police department when she moved in with Alex. And Maggie had tried to look for other apartments but there wasn’t many for sell nor to rent. Either it was too far away or they cost way over her budget. Feeling like her 19 year old self who just moved out she had nothing else to do than to accept the fact that this was the way she would have to live for now. It was basically the same as when she moved out from her aunt’s and got to National City for the first time. She’d worked herself up to how she was and had it before Alex and if she’d done it once then she could do it again.

 

Maggie tosses her phone onto the bed before she lets her police jacket slide over her shoulders. It had been a long day and probably would be tomorrow too so she could might as well try to get some sleep. Getting  up from the bed she lets her tired feet drag her over the floor, throwing her jacket onto a chair before she goes over to pick up her bag she left right by the door. She had most of her stuff still in a box in her office down at the police department but she always made sure to carry her bag with her filled with clean clothes, a toothbrush and everything she could need over a night. Since she barely knew where she would spend her night each night, she had to pack lightly and not carry too much around but just enough so she could manage. Usually she showered early at work or right after a shift, sometimes in the motel rooms she rented if they had a shower or sometimes if she was lucky enough to stay at a colleagues house she could shower there. But not many people knew about Maggie’s situation and therefore never offered and Maggie didn’t want to seem too desperate to ask either so the chance of staying over at someone else’s wasn’t so big.

 

A tired sigh filled the dead silent of the room as Maggie picked up her bag to move it over to place it on the bed. She zipped it open and pulled out a black t-shirt and a pair of grey sweatpants. Reaching for the hem of her black, long sleeved shirt she pulled it up over her head and placed it gently on the side of the bag before she changed into the black t-shirt instead. She changed completely into her pajamas and put the old clothes back into a plastic bag for her to clean tomorrow at work. Usually Maggie made sure to get to work earlier to be able to take a shower in peace and quiet and use the washing machine to clean her clothes before everyone else showed up and so far it had worked pretty well.

 

Just for a second she had managed to keep her thoughts on something else, on something other than it  had been on everyday for months but that was just until Maggie spotted the grey file she had put into her bag. She could feel the hole grow bigger in her stomach, the aching in her heart appear as her fingertips slightly traced the material of the file. The feelings that suddenly appeared made her rethink if it really was a good idea to do this case with Alex. A part of her wanting to be professional and just put their history aside but another part of her screaming to be selfish and hide from this. Maybe if she talked to her boss he could rearrange and pair her up with someone else. Someone who didn’t make her heart break every time she looked at them. Someone who didn’t make her feel like she was suffocating every time their voice settled into her skin.

 

She opened the file and her eyes ran down to the name at the bottom right of the paper in an instant. Of all the air that constantly floated around in the space everywhere on the surface of earth it suddenly felt like no air was enough to fill her lungs. Her breathing getting heavier as Maggie gently traced her thumb over Alex’s signature.  Maggie wondered if the feeling of wanting Alex would at some point fade, if her heart would stop aching and her hands to stop shaking every time she heard her name or saw one little thing that reminded her of Alex. She closed the file again, not needing to see Alex’s name longer than she had to before she walked over to turn off the lights. A darkness soon covering in over her with just the moonlight to light up tiny corners of the room, Maggie knew that it would be a long night.

 

*******

  


The early morning sun shining in with a orangish light through the curtains in Alex’s bedroom, she tossed and turned with the grey sheets getting tangled even more between her legs. She hadn’t been able to sleep all night, the image of Maggie clearer than ever before engraved into her mind. With her breath heavy she slicked her short hair back over her head, keeping her hand tangled into her own hair at the top of her skull as she let the thoughts run a marathon inside of her head.  Reminding herself that at least Maggie hadn’t screamed at her or refused to work on the case together with Alex, she tried to calm herself down. The tension had definitely been there, from both sides but at least they’d talked to each other, at least Maggie had talked to her.

 

Alex glanced to beside her, seeing Kelly sleeping peacefully with her back towards Alex, she was afraid that a sudden move would wake her up. But she reached for the phone on the nightstand beside her. Letting the display lit up a bright light into the room as the time showed 4:40am and no new notifications from when she’d checked the last time at midnight before she went to bed.  A disappointing sigh escaping her but she wasn’t sure what she’d expected. As Maggie had left the crime scene to head over to the police department to work on the case by herself, Alex had soon after left the place too for some other work at the DEO. With Maggie’s words still lingering in her mind, reminding her every five minutes that _‘’ I’ll text you if there’s anything I need you for or if there’s anything we need to work on together. ‘’_ . Maggie had told her that around lunch and Alex spent the entire day waiting for the text. Checking every few minutes but still nothing new.  

 

She unplugged her phone from the charger before she threw off the sheets covering her body. Knowing that she was too awake to fall back to sleep she made her way towards the kitchen. She could might as well start the day early. Maybe a little too early. They didn’t expect her at the DEO until 8am but it probably wouldn’t hurt if she swung by earlier.

 

Considering starting the coffee machine she glanced back over her shoulder every now and then, afraid that the noise would wake Kelly up. She didn’t need questions as to why she was up so early or Kelly trying to convince her to come back to bed. She just wanted to grab her coffee, get dressed and get out of the apartment. Deciding it wasn’t worth to take the risk and that she could might as well buy a coffee at the café instead she made her way to the bathroom. Grabbing a new pair of jeans that was laying folded on one of the counters, luckily she found a black t-shirt to match and didn’t need to sneak up to the closet right by her bed where her girlfriend was still sleeping. She threw the shirt over her head, letting it fall over her and cover her body before she stepped into the new pair of jeans. Quickly she put on a pair of white socks before she made her way out of the bathroom.

 

The air in the apartment feeling like it was suffocating her she needed to get out into the fresh air. She grabbed her leather jacket hanging over the back of her couch and the keys on the table by the door before she made her way out of the apartment.

  


The sun immediately hitting her face as she opens the big door from her building, warming up her cheeks with every early sunshine that the clouds are letting through. Summer is far gone and fall is starting to settle in over the streets of National City. The cold wind gripping her hair, sending  shivers all down her spine. Alex lets her feet walk her down the empty road towards the only coffee shop she knows is open this early. It’s in the middle of National City, just far enough from Alex’s own apartment. They have open around the clock and makes the most delicious new baked bread in the morning. The light from the big opening sign reflecting out over the street from far ahead.

 

Alex walked towards the door, hearing the bell ring as she opens it and immediately stumbles on the woman in front of her, neither of them seeing the other.

 

‘’ Oh I’m sorry. ‘’

  


Alex looks up to see Maggie looking back at her. The sight stopping Alex’s heart completely. She didn’t expect to see anyone she knew this early, especially not Maggie since she’d never run into her before. The silence creep in over them, an unsure smile covering the corner of Maggie’s mouth as she looks back up at Alex. Seeming just as uncomfortable as Alex does.

 

‘’ Maggie, hi. ‘’

 

‘’ Hey. ‘’

 

Alex’s eyes wander over Maggie’s body. She’s already dressed for work, in her jeans and police jacket and her hair pulled back into a loose ponytail. She has her big black NCPD bag over her right shoulder and a big white plastic bag from the coffee shop in her left hand. A bag way too big for just a regular morning coffee. The thought sets in, maybe Maggie is buying for someone else too. After all she had never answered if she was seeing someone new or not and the big bag in her hand could definitely be for two.

 

‘’ Uhm.. you’re up early. ‘’

 

Alex clears her throat, trying to get any words out the best she can by the latest thought that just filled her mind. She doesn’t even want to think about Maggie with someone new. Doesn’t want to think about how Maggie walks home to the arms of someone else every day after work, how another woman runs her fingers through Maggie’s hair or kisses her soft lips while Maggie’s smiling back through it.

 

‘’ Oh, yeah I.. ‘’

 

Maggie runs her free hand over face, the bags under her eyes revealing that she probably hasn’t gotten enough sleep.

 

‘’ Duty calls, I guess. ‘’

 

The smile is back on her lips, covering up the tiredness on her face. Alex nods back understanding.

 

‘’ Uhm well, is there anything you need me for? ‘’

‘’ Regarding the case. ‘’

 

Alex is quick to fill in and she can immediately see the thoughts running around in Maggie’s head, thinking back about something before she opens her bag on the side of her hip.

 

‘’ Uhm yeah, actually.. ‘’

 

She pulls up the familiar file in her hand and hands it over to Alex who gladly takes it.

 

‘’ We’ve been divided a few suspects each in every team and I was thinking if maybe you could take a look at it, see if you or maybe Kara recognize some of them. ‘’

 

Alex nods understanding while her eyes scan through the new added pictures in the file of the suspects Maggie mentioned.

 

‘’ Yeah of course, I’ll see what I can do. ‘’

 

Maggie smiles back politely before she’s zipping the bag close again.

 

‘’ Great, also I think that you might need some equipment that I know you have at the DEO. ‘’

 

Alex looks back at Maggie, this work suddenly feeling very individual rather than something they were supposed to do together.

 

‘’ I mean if you want to come by the DEO we can take a look at it together? ‘’

 

She shrugged her shoulders, hoping that the words wouldn’t scare Maggie off too much.

 

‘’ Oh, uhm.. ‘’

 

‘’ I think it’s best if you do it and then just.. let me know what you find. ‘’

 

Maggie nods to the words while they leave her mouth, as if they’d made sense to her just as she was saying it. But it pushed Alex back a bit, the stinging pain in her stomach appearing again as her eyes meet the ground. Just as if she was feeling embarrassed.

 

‘’ Okay. ‘’

 

‘’ I gotta go, but text me if there’s anything. ‘’

 

Their eyes met again, Maggie’s weak smile still glued to her face and Alex trying to force a smile onto her own but barely managing.

 

‘’ I’ll see you, Danvers. ‘’

 

Maggie walks past her, their arms barely brushing against each other in the tight space around them. The warm feeling of Maggie sending shivers down Alex’s spine but it soon disappears as the sound of Maggie’s steps fades behind her. Too frozen in her step, too afraid to look back she listens as the door of Maggie’s car shuts and soon after the sound of her engine starts. She’s gone.


	3. Alex and Maggie Reunion part 3 of ?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> could be some grammar mistakes but I'm so sorry in advance!
> 
> but geez Maggieee

 

The DEO had been particularly quiet when Alex got in early this morning. A place usually filled with chattering and people walking around all over the place had just been completely still and quiet. Alex kinda enjoyed the calm. Being able to be on her own for a while, to think freely and peacefully.  
  
It had just hit 7am and more people started to enter the building as the sun started to rise even more on the early lit blue sky. Looking around from where Alex had locked herself in the conference glass room she saw more and more people walk around outside, going on about their own business and not too interested in bothering Alex. A few of them had nodded or smiled politely at her as a hello before they continued to walk past her. Being the director of the DEO was something Alex never could’ve imagined. All of these people looking up to her, expecting her to sit on all the answers and make all the calls when Alex herself felt like she had no idea of what she was doing. She wasn’t sure if she was supposed to feel any different since J’onn had offered her the role and promoted her the job but she didn’t. She just felt like herself but with a different name that suddenly had a whole other meaning.  
  
She looked down on the report file and all three pictures she had spread out over the table of the suspects Maggie and herself had been divided. The first picture of an alien from the species Aranes, he had light blue skin, white hair and two tiny blue horns sticking out of the top of his head. Reading the information about him he had been included in other robberies and a lot of fights but it was no one Alex recognized.  
  
She sighed. Going over to the next picture it was an older man, Mr. Hamilton earlier arrested for a felony and multiple bar fights and assault against police officers. He had a tiny scar on the left side of his forehead and his dark almost black eyes stared right through the picture. Rubbing her own eyes, Alex started to feel the tiredness of starting the day too early and the lack of coffee after that. No matter how hard she tried, her mind couldn’t seem to concentrate on one simple task.  
  
  
Three quick knocks had Alex immediately turn in her chair just to find Kara standing in the doorway in her red and blue suit with the cape hanging down over her back.  
  
“ I didn’t think you’d come in until 8? Wasn’t Zach supposed to open today? “  
  
She walks towards Alex, resting her hand on the back of Alex’s chair as she’s looking through all of the material all spread out over the table.  
  
“ Uhm, yeah but I couldn’t sleep, thought that I’d might as well swing by here and do the work. “  
  
Kara nodded, tracing her fingers over one picture as she’s carefully looking through all three of them.    
  
“ Yeah by the way how is the work with Maggie going? “  
  
Kara turns to face Alex, her eyes full of concern but the tone in her voice with a little taste of a tease. Alex inhales deeply as she falls back in her chair.  
  
” I don’t know. “  
“ I’m supposed to be looking through these suspects to see if I can find anything, if I can recognize some of them but I..-“  
  
She runs her fingers through her short slicked back hair, shaking her head a little side to side.  
  
“ I can’t do it. “ she lets out in a sigh.  
  
Kara turns from where she is standing. Resting her back against the edge of the table to get a better look at Alex, having that look in her eyes and the wrinkle between her eyebrows when she wants Alex to continue, to let out her emotions.  
  
Inhaling a deep breath, letting more air in to fill her lungs while the weight of the world suddenly felt like it found its way to Alex’s heart.  
  
“ It’s just.. “  
Alex closes her eyes. Bringing her right hand up to rest over her heart as if the touch would make the aching go away.  
  
“ .. So much on my mind and I just.. “  
  
“ I just want to apologize you know? To hold her and hope that she can somehow forgive me. “  
  
Kara is right there by her sisters side to support her as soon as Alex opens her eyes again. A heavy weight of Kara’s hand finds its way to land on Alex’s right shoulder. Rubbing up and down in a gentle rhythm.  
  
“ She has. “  
“ All Maggie ever wanted was for you to be happy Alex, she already has forgiven you. “  
  
Alex sighs, feeling how her stomach twists and her throat to dry up. She looks down on the floor, not feeling strong enough to meet Kara’s eyes.  
  
“ Alex, it’s been over a year. Think about if roles were reversed. I don’t believe you would’ve held a grudge against Maggie then, you may have still been hurt but you would’ve forgiven her, giving her the chance to be happy. “  
  
“ Just like Maggie is doing to you now.”  
  
“  And who knows maybe Maggie has moved on too, maybe she’s happy too just like you so don’t think about if she’s forgiven you or not because I’m sure she has. “  
  
The words settling into her mind, carving itself to every corner of Alex’s brain. Flashes of meeting Maggie outside the coffee shop, flashes to the big bag in her hand. Flashing back to the question she refused to answer and the tired bags under her eyes and even to the big NCPD bag that very possibly could have been her change from sleeping at someone else’s house. What if Kara was right, it would all make sense. What if Maggie was having the time of her life, being happier than ever with someone who didn’t push too much onto her, who didn’t make her feel like she wasn’t enough. What if the fact that she not wanting to work with Alex actually had nothing to do with their history and Alex and just simply had to do with that Maggie had moved on, let it go and didn’t care too much about working with Alex now.  
  
The thoughts made her sick. Her head began to spin and she felt like she would vomit. Of course she wanted Maggie to be happy, more than anything but the thought of her being with someone else was too much for Alex to take. For some reason she felt the tears begin to burn on the inside of her eyes, craving their way out and also how the anger and frustration started to fill her body. It stays quiet for awhile, every new thought of Maggie digging deeper into Alex’s mind, and only the sound of Kara looking through the papers on the table being heard.  
  
“ Oh I know this guy. “    
  
The words was heard as an echo through Alex’s ears at first. Too caught up in her own thoughts to realize what Kara was saying. “  
  
“ Wait what? You know him? “  
She quickly snaps out of it.  
  
Bringing the picture of him closer to her face, Kara studies every detail of the second man.  
  
“ Yeah.. we’ve had trouble with him before but now thinking about it I think I saw him hiding something in the back of his truck a while ago. “  
  
Alex listens closely. Taking in every detail of him from the picture. She had to call Maggie, maybe they had found their guy, or at least being on the right track to finding him.  
  
Grabbing her phone quickly from the table in front of her, Kara watches as Alex hurries to text someone. Her thumbs working fast over the keyboard as her eyes are suddenly as sharp as knives. It doesn’t take long until the text is sent and Alex starts to gather all the pictures to put it back in the grey file.  
  
“ Where are you going? “  
  
Alex is halfway out the room before she turns around to meet Kara’s confused eyes. She inhales deeply.  
  
“ I need to find Maggie. “  
  
  
*********  
  
  
The sun ingrained into the back of her neck, warming her shivering skin from the coldness of the fall. Her stomach doing that jumping thing when you can’t tell if you’re excited or just nervous. Maggie glances down to the silver watch on her left wrist. Half past seven and Alex still hasn’t shown up.  
  
As a sigh leaves her lips she brings up the phone from her right pocket, quickly scrolling to Alex’s text.  
_  
_ _“ Meet me in ten minutes outside of the café? Need to talk. ''_

 

Her eyes reads through the letters over and over. Her mind trying to sort out if she wants to talk about the case or if it’s about something else. The case suddenly seeming like a bad idea, she could barely look at Alex without falling apart and if Alex would start talking to her about other stuff she knew she wouldn’t be able to keep it together. Maggie puts her phone back into the pocket of her police jacket, running her hands against her thighs as she’s trying to calm herself down.

  
Looking up she’s finally spotting Alex walk alongside the pavement. Her phone up to her ear and the file in her other hand. She smiles weakly when she sees Maggie and Maggie does her best to do the same, mostly just feeling like a complete idiot when her lips doesn’t want to collaborate and she barely gets a smile on.  
  
“ .. I know but I left early for work.. no you don’t have to do that..I’ll see you at home . “  
  
Maggie can’t help but to overhear the conversation as Alex is getting closer, feeling bad as she does so since she’s very aware of who Alex is talking to, she quickly looks away.  
  
“ .. yeah, you too.“  
” Bye. ”  
  
She carefully glances up at the words, immediately locks eyes with Alex who has an awkward smile upon her face as she ends the call. The tension sets in between the two, spreading all around them. Maggie knows what Alex had meant when she ended the call, being too aware of the three meaningful words they had just exchanged. She clears her throat, trying to sit more upright and greet Alex the best she could.  
  
“ Sorry about that. “  
Alex pulls out the chair before she sits down from the opposite side of Maggie outside of the café where they had decided to meet.  
  
“ No worries, sorry for.. overhearing, I didn’t.. “  
Trying to explain herself, Alex just smiles back understanding at her before she bites the inside of her cheek. And god, Maggie can’t keep herself from not looking away. With her eyes glued to Alex’s skin she takes in all the beautiful details about her. Her reddish, slicked back hair that looks amazing and fits Alex perfectly. The little pinkish coloring that started to appear on the tip of her nose from the cold and the dark, hazelnut eyes that Maggie could get lost in.  
  
“ Uhm, do you want to order anything? “  
  
Alex’s tone is friendly and unsure as she nods over to inside the café right by their side. Considering it, a hot coffee did sound good but Maggie wasn’t here to have a good time with Alex, she was here to work or talk about whatever Alex thought was so important.  
  
“ Oh, no I’m good. “  
“ What uhm, what did you want to talk about? “  
  
Getting straight to the point, not wanting to be here longer than she had to. Not having the strength to keep herself together longer than she had to. Alex nods back in what Maggie once would’ve thought was a disappointing look before she clears her throat and puts the file on the table between them.  
  
“ I think we might have the guy, or at least someone sticking out more than the others.”  
  
Maggie’s eyes widen and her ears sharpened. Alex was the smartest person Maggie knew, if anyone would have found the suspect 24 hrs after they had been given the information it would be Alex.  
  
“ I’m listening. “  
  
Alex brought up his picture from the file, putting it in front of Maggie to get a better look.  
  
“ Mr Hamilton, age 47. Earlier arrested for felony and assault against police officer. He’s been caught in a lot of fights and we’ve been having trouble with him before. “  
  
Maggie sighed, pushed the picture back before she leaned back into her chair.  
  
“ Alex, you just told me all the information about him that I gave you. That we at the police department have already gathered. “  
  
A deep breath leaving the tip of Alex’s lips as she aggressively points down on the picture.  
  
“ I know, but I talked to Kara. Apparently he’s someone that she recognized, he’s been seen near the art gallery awhile after the robbery, trying to hide something in his truck. “  
  
“ It could’ve been anything, but I do agree that it’s something that we should investigate more on. “  
  
Alex nodded agreeing, smiling back in a succeeded and satisfied attempt. Gathering the picture and putting it back into the file, Maggie’s eyes landed on Alex again.  
  
“ You could’ve just texted me this you know? “  
  
Alex looks back at her, locking her eyes with Maggie’s as her smile shortly fades. Both of them staring at each other with doleful eyes, Maggie gets all lost of words. Just watching how Alex shifts uncomfortably in her seat.  
  
“ Maggie do you.. “  
  
“ .. Do you not want to work on this with me? “  
  
The lump getting stuck in the back of her throat, unable to answer or move, her body freeze completely into the chair. Her eyes still on the woman in front of her. Unsure of what she could answer, unsure of what she should answer, she’s watching how Alex is waiting for her to say something, anything.  
  
“ I don’t mind, I just .. “  
  
“ You just what? “  
  
She bites down on her lower lip, trying to come up with the perfect word to say. Just one word that would make sense. She was unsure of what she wanted to do. Being with Alex sent her back to all the heartbreak and all the emotions she felt when they broke up. Talking to Alex was just tearing her apart all over again.  
  
“ I think it’s best if we.. if we have boundaries. “  
She clears her throat.  
  
“You take care of the things you can, I handle the stuff at the police department and if we have to work together than we figure it out. “  
  
Alex nodded understanding, looking down onto her lap with her hair falling over her face. Maggie could see her neck move as she probably swallowed back the dryness in her throat too before she looked up to meet Maggie’s eyes again.  
  
“ Yeah I agree but.. don’t you think that maybe we need to talk? If we’re gonna be able to work together maybe we should talk first? “  
  
Maggie shifts in her seat, unsure of where to look or what to say while her eyes keeps dragging themselves to Alex’s who’s looking back at her with a concern look.  
  
“ Alex look, let’s just keep this to work alright? “  
“I’ll take the file with me and go over it with my boss at the department and then I can text you later. “  
  
Ready to get up from her chair, Alex’s eyes stay stuck on Maggie. She’s not moving from where she is sitting, just watching as Maggie gets up and takes the file with her. A feeling of guilt starts to find its way through every inch in Maggie’s body. Keeping this professional was the only right thing to do and the only thing Maggie could handle doing. She wasn’t strong enough to have the emotional talk with Alex. To hear all about Alex’s new love life with a woman much better than herself while Maggie had nothing, literally nothing left.  
  
“ I’ll see you Alex, and I promise to text you as soon as I find anything. “  
  
Alex nods back understanding. The smile on her face long gone, now replaced with a thin line and disappointing eyes.  
  
  
*********  
  
A loud thud spread through the room as the paper hit the desk. The older man turned in his chair and glanced down at the paper now laying in front of him. With confused eyes he moved his glasses from the top of his head to get a better look.  
  
“ Detective Sawyer, what can I do for you? “  
  
Maggie stood in front of him on the other side of his desk. Her hands were clasped together in front of her body and her eyes in a still focus.  
  
“ We think we might have one on the right track, sir. “  
  
He looked between Maggie’s eyes and the paper of the picture in front of him. Studied everything closely before he scratched his forehead.  
  
“ Mr. Hamilton, that was fast. “  
  
Unsure of what to say other than agreeing, she put up her hands in a gesture in front of her body, her mouth opening but with no words to leave it.  
  
“ There’s still a lot of unsolved things that we need to get into before we can really confirm but I think we may have gotten something here. “  
  
Her boss nodded back proudly, pulled the glasses up to rest on the top of his head again before he returned the picture to Maggie.  
  
“ Well you know what to do Sawyer, I trust you. “  
  
“ Thank you, sir. “  
  
She reached her hand forward, getting a grip of her boss’ hand and shook it lightly before she let go.  
  
“ I won’t disappoint you. “  
  
Now all Maggie had to do was find their suspect. Take him in for an investigation to see if maybe he could be the right guy. As she made her way out of her boss’s office she glanced down on her phone in her right hand. She had promised Alex to text her when there was something they were supposed to do together. But finding the suspect and bring him in to the police station probably didn’t require both of them. And seeing Alex twice in one day already felt like enough. Deciding on getting the suspect herself and text Alex once she found out something instead, she made her way to the dressing room.  
  
Gathering the equipment she needed, she put her gun into her holster, her handcuffs on her back and her badge was already well placed on her right hip. Maggie tightened her ponytail, feeling as she suddenly got nervous and not knowing for what reason. She had done this before, thousands of times. But never alone, her boss was very strict with having them in pairs when going out on missions, but Mr. Hamilton was just a regular man. It wasn’t like she was out to get the most dangerous alien out there, what could he do that Maggie wouldn’t be able to protect herself from? She was a cop, she reminded herself and going into situations like this was part of the job.  
  
/  
/  
/  
/  
/

 

She waited long outside of the pub down the other side of National City. A part of the hometown she didn’t visit much. Apart from the few small pubs, the one grocery store and three gas stations, it didn’t have much to offer. When you study a suspect for a period of time you usually get used to the spots they hang out at, which part of town they’re from and luckily Mr.Hamilton was someone the police department have had their eyes on many times and now knew where he usually was hiding.

 

Maggie grabbed the bottle of water she had in her car as she was waiting. Letting the water run down her throat, as she watched the door to the pub intensely. She had everything ready for whatever she might would encounter. Preparing herself was one of the most important things with her job, Maggie knew that. She does her best to keep her mind focused, concentrated but no matter how hard she tried, Maggie always found her eyes fall back to her phone in her hand. Hesitating if she should tell Alex or not. But Maggie had felt so weak, hopeless and desperate since she got back to National City. Nothing like she once felt about herself. Doing this by herself was a way for her to show herself as much as to show Alex that she was still Maggie. Could still handle tough stuff and hadn’t lost herself as much as it felt like or as it seemed.

 

Suddenly the door finally opens and just the guy Maggie is looking for walks out. He’s wearing a black hoodie, covering his head and his hands into his pockets. This was it, she had him. She gathered the courage she had, put her phone back into her pocket and stepped out of the car. The blue police jacket nor the big police car she just stepped out of didn’t exactly make her unnoticeable. The guy in front of her freezing into position as Maggie made her way closer.

 

‘’ Mr. Hamilton, you got a second? ‘’

 

He kept his stare at her confused, looking like he’s about to decide if he’d run or stay and take the consequences. Bringing up her officer ID she held it up in front of him.

‘’ Detective Sawyer, NCPD. I’ve just got some questions regarding a case and would like for you to follow me to the station. ‘’

 

**********

 

A strong smell of a whole bunch of different spices filled the apartment out to every little corner, spreading out to the hallway as Alex opened the front door and immediately was greeted by it. Getting home to have the dinner already ready and the table set was something Alex never got used to, she’d never had it before and every time Kelly made it, it caught her with the same surprise. She put her keys on the table by the door, saw her girlfriend in the kitchen. Her dark hair up in a bun, wearing Alex’s barenaked ladies shirt and a pair of black jeans.

 

‘’ Finally you’re home, I missed you this morning. ‘’

 

Kelly walked closer to her with the biggest smile upon her lips. Her eyes sparkling with happiness as she put her arms around Alex’s neck. Following her lead Alex soon felt her girlfriends lips on her own welcoming her home. The kiss was quick and Alex soon pulled back.

 

‘’ I tried to make my own wook but I’m not sure how it turned out so don’t kill me if you hate it. ‘’

 

Kelly made her way back into the kitchen again, glancing back at Alex every now and then who let her leather jacket fall down her shoulders before she tossed it into the couch. Suddenly feeling very uncomfortable and unsure she put her hands into the back pockets of her jeans as she made her way over to the kitchen island on opposite side of Kelly. The thought that she’d been spending time with Maggie, talking to her and meeting her, even thinking about her didn’t feel right. Kelly knew about Alex’s ex, well not much. She didn’t know that she was a detective at the City’s police department nor that Alex was working with her right now. A quick conversation about both of their exes had came up in the beginning of their relationship, the both of them just quickly and shortly telling the other about their ex. Alex had felt weird doing so, Maggie had been the love of her life. A woman she was about to spend a lifetime with and talking about her as some kind of plot in her own love story that would end as soon as she had ‘’ fulfilled ‘’ her part didn’t feel right. Maybe Maggie had been the first woman Alex had ever been with but she had also been the only woman Alex always imagined to be with.

 

Too caught up in her thoughts Alex barely noticed Kelly’s hand on her upper arm.

 

‘’ You okay babe? You’ve seemed to have had a lot on your mind lately. ‘’

 

She walks past her to the chair on the other side of Alex. Carefully she sits down, places her hand on the top of Alex’s knee encouraging her to talk. Alex can feel everything build up inside of her, feeling as she’s about to explode or burst into tears at any moment. She soon feels the warm touch on the side of her cheek instead. Looking up she meets Kelly’s listening eyes and she realizes that she has to tell her. Taking a deep breath she prepares herself.

 

‘’ Kelly. ‘’

‘’ I need to tell you something, this work that I’m doing.. ‘’

 

Kelly starts listening carefully and very closely every word that leaves Alex’s trembling mouth.

 

‘’ I’m ..-’’

 

The sound of Alex’s ringtone cuts her off. The sound filling the apartment with a lighter energy. The warmth of Kelly’s hand is soon gone from Alex’s cheek as they both pull away further from each other, getting pulled back from their moment. Alex clears her throat while she reaches for her phone in her back pocket.

 

‘’ Sorry I.. ‘’

‘’ It’s Kara, I have to take this. ‘’

 

Kelly sighs as she stands up from her chair, moving herself from one side of the kitchen island to the other. Ready to continue the dinner while Alex answers the phone.

 

‘’  Kara, hey. ‘’

 

It takes just a quarter of a second before Alex hears Kara’s heavy breathing in the other end. Her stomach drops immediately, feeling in her gut that something is wrong.

 

‘’ What is it? ‘’

 

‘’ Alex, it’s Maggie. You need to come by the DEO, she’s hurt. ‘’

 

*******


	4. Alex and Maggie Reunion part 4 of ?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update, I've been away on vacation in Greece and recently just got home! This chapter is a little shorter but hopefully you won't have to wait as long for the next chapter as you did for this one. I've been looking through it several times for grammar and spelling mistakes but i'm only human and may have missed something, hope it's not too bad! 
> 
> Also thank you for all your comments, that's one of the best parts about being a writer, to actually read the feedback and see what you guys think about my work so please continue to leave comments because I swear I'm reading all of them!
> 
> Enjoy!

 

One, two, three minutes. Each one feeling longer than the other. Minutes turning into hours, fear turning into anger, into frustration, into a feeling of helplessness. She should’ve been there, protecting her and having her back. She should’ve been there then and every other night that Maggie may have needed her. Alex’s steps gets heavier and louder as the heels on her boots click onto the floor with every step she takes, back and forth outside of the medical bay. She had been going on for what felt like hours but probably wasn’t more than approximately one. Watching over Maggie, keeping track of her stable vitals as she laid with eyes closed and bruised skin.

 Alex’s sweaty hands were shaking from where they were placed into her back pockets. Her stomach twisting every time Maggie did something as much as to move a finger. An anger she didn’t know she had started to fill her body from the tip of her toes to the end of her fingertips. Not knowing where it came from or why. If it was the self blame of not being able to protect Maggie, or the frustration that Maggie did something so stupid as going alone into a mission, a mission they were supposed to do together. A mission that Maggie had promised she would call Alex for if she needed her. Stupid.

 

 ‘’ Babe, we’ve been here for two hours, you need to go home and get some sleep. ‘’

 A sigh was heard behind her and Alex could soon feel the warmth of Kelly’s hand onto her lower back as she got closer. The touch of her girlfriend steadying her, making her realize how her feet was about to give up on her and almost had her fall to the ground. Her body was weak and her mind was tired. Tired from all the stressful, terrifying thoughts that had been running a marathon in her mind since she got the phone call. Imagining all the worst scenarios that could’ve happened to Maggie. She was tired and she was scared but she didn’t want to go home.

 ‘’ I’m fine. ‘’

 Kelly sighed. Running her steady hand in an even rhythm on Alex’s back, soothing her and comforting her as her eyes joined Alex’s stare at Maggie through the thick glass wall separating them.

 

‘’ Is she a partner? ‘’

 ‘’ What? ‘’

 Alex’s eyes were quick to land on Kelly. Eyes greeting each other with an energy of fire. Alex was caught off guard. The words stopping her, making her feel like knives cut her open from inside and out.

 ‘’ A working partner. I figured you guys must be close since you rushed in when you heard what happened and haven’t left this spot since you got here two hours ago. ‘’

 ‘’ Oh. ‘’

 Her eyes travelled back to Maggie. Scanning her bruised body, absolutely hating the image her eyes were showing her. Hating to see Maggie so vulnerable, so fragile. Hating how her thoughts keeps reminding her of how someone put their hands on her, beating her, leaving her unconscious and broken on the street.

 ‘’ So is she a partner? ‘’

 Kelly’s echoing voice brings her back again. Making her present but still feel so far away.

 

‘’ I guess you could say something like that. ‘’

 

 ‘’ Hey. ‘’

‘’Look at me. ‘’

 

The warmth of Kelly’s hand was soon gone as she removed her hand from Alex’s backside. Instead taking Alex’s hands into her own, locking their fingers together as she placed herself in front of Alex, separating her from the view of Maggie. Dark eyes burned through her, warm hands steadying her.

 ‘’ She’s going to be okay. She’s got an amazing team here that’s keeping an eye on her so come home with me and let’s go to sleep. ‘’

 Alex’s eyes were stuck on Kelly’s, her ears not fully registering what her girlfriend’s mouth was letting out. How was she supposed to tell her that she couldn’t leave? That her feet were glued to the floor and her body tense as a wax doll. That she wouldn’t be able to fully breathe until she knew for sure that Maggie was okay, until she got to see her eyes open and her lips smile. How sleep was the absolute last thing on her mind.

 ‘’ You go, I have to stay. ‘’

 

The words dragged themselves out of her mouth. Convincing Kelly to take a step back and let go of her hands. The disappointment growing bigger onto her girlfriend’s face while her eyes met the ground between them. Alex hated the way she made her girlfriend feel, but knowing that the blame she felt for leaving Maggie alone won that war. She had to stay. Thankfully Kelly didn’t fight against it. Leaving space for Alex to be alone with her thoughts and worries as she silently walked past her and made her way to the exit of the building.

 The world came circling in around her. The echoes of all the voices in the background faded as Alex closed her eyes. Taking in a deep breath of new air to fill her heavy lungs. Hoping that the aching in her heart would go away. Never in her life had Alex felt so torn. So helpless, wanting to do more and feeling like she was supposed to do more than maybe she had the right to. She slowly opened her heavy and tired eyes again, immediately placing them on Maggie. An image she’d have a hard time forgetting. An image she’d never wanted to witness. Just seeing the tubes from her body hooked to a machine by the side of her bed. Seeing her heartbeat in waves on the monitor, praying to god that loud beeping wouldn’t stop. Praying that the waves of her heart would keep going.

 She sighed, her legs moving her forward before her mind had time to catch up. Alex couldn’t prepare herself for what she was supposed to do if the beeping stopped, if the waves showing Maggie’s now stable heartbeat would disappear. All she knew was that she needed to be with her. Just have a minute to talk to her. Her legs moved her into the room, closer to the bed where Maggie was sleeping. Unsure fingers traced the fabric of the sheets beside Maggie’s fragile body as Alex made her way closer to Maggie’s side.

 

‘’ You promised me, Maggie. ‘’

 The words left her mouth in a whisper as Alex’s burning eyes were stuck on Maggie’s face. She had a bruised swelling around her right eye that would probably develop into a black eye. A scar on the right side of her swollen upper lip and another one on the left side of her cheek.

 

‘’ God, what were you thinking? ‘’

 Alex could feel the tears burn in her eyes, craving to get out and leave  wet paths down her cheeks. Her hands aching to reach for Maggie’s and just hold her. Wanting to put every broken piece together. But scared of the touch her mind pulled her back. Pulled her from reaching out and touch the woman in front of her. Instead her head lifted upward in an attempt to keep the tears from falling. She sniffed her nose that she hadn’t even realized was running and slightly parted her lips to be able to get more air into her lungs. She quickly wiped away the single tear that had managed to escape down her right cheek as she glanced down at Maggie again. With shaking hands and with an unsure mind she pulled the covers higher over Maggie’s body, to keep the warmth of her body from escaping and leaving her cold. She then slowly reached for the light on the table beside Maggie’s bed. Quietly she turned it off, letting the darkness fill the room, only letting the light from the rest of the DEO in to cover the corners. A deep breath left Alex’s trembling lips as she took her final glance at Maggie before she made her way out of the room. Leaving space for Maggie to sleep, to heal.

 

*******

 

A pounding worse than after a rough night out had Maggie uncomfortably shift in her bed. Not sure if it’s the pounding in her lip or in her head that’s worse. Her body feels heavy yet so weak, barely having the strength to keep her eyes open and with every new attempt at it she fails. Her body had just began to adjust to the environment she found herself in. Hearing the beeping of the monitors as an echo in the back of her head. Feeling her weak, cold fingers adjust to the fabric of the sheets.

 ‘’ Oh hey, you’re awake. ‘’

 Having no idea where she was nor how she got herself there, she heard a dark voice echo through her ears. Having a hard time placing where the voice came from. She began to open her eyes, the bright light from the room dazzling her and immediately had her shut her eyes close again.

 

‘’ It’s okay, you need to rest your body for awhile. Just give it time. ‘’

 The voice seemed familiar but yet so unknown and no matter how hard Maggie tried she still couldn’t seem to put a face on it. A groan escaped her shattered lips, the grimace on her face getting bigger from the pain she felt as she tried to sit up more straight in the small, uncomfortable bed.

 

‘’ Hey, hey easy. ‘’

 The voice came closer in an instant. Warm hands touching her shoulder as Maggie dragged herself upward. Her body tense and heavy. Her head pounding worse than she’d ever felt it. She ran her hands over her face, rubbing her eyes as she tried to get herself to open them. But the immediate touch quickly had her gasp in pain.

 

‘’ Oh yeah, you have a bit of a bruising there. ‘’

‘’ Hold on, let me get some ice for you. ‘’

 The warm touch was soon gone from her right shoulder, the voice fading in a distance. Her right eye pounding worse than her left, she finally started to get the memories back. Images flashing by her eyes of what had happened. She remembers the sudden punch to her face, having her trip in her step and fall over. She remembers reaching for her gun at the side of her hip but soon feel it get kicked out of her hand. Strong hands punching her harder onto the ground. Fast, aggressive kicks to her abdomen.

 

‘’ Here, I’m gonna put the icing to your eye. It’ll hurt a little, okay? ‘’

 She nodded at the words, trying again to get her left eye with the less bruising open. Feeling as if someone had put weight on it as she finally managed to see again. Her pupils quickly adjusting to the bright light in the room. She searched it, recognizing it all too well. Not a hospital, just the simple medical bay at the DEO. Maggie could feel her heart begin to race, she hadn’t seen the place since…

Her body pushed her upward, completely ignoring the pain the sudden move caused. She looked around, seeing the monitor beside her, beeping with every pace of Maggie’s stable heart. Saw the glass wall and all the people walking around outside completely minding their own business in their familiar agent suits. All of the familiar images her eyes showed her only had her think about one thing. Did Alex know? Had Alex seen her like this? Just the thought of it made Maggie feel more humiliated and smaller than ever before. She didn’t need Alex’s sympathy, not needing Alex to see her for the completely useless person she was, so weak and desperate.

 A deep sighed managed to escape Maggie’s dry mouth as she leaned back against the pillow again. Letting the softness of the material embrace her body.

 

‘’ You’re safe, it’s okay. ‘’

 Hearing the familiar voice Maggie immediately looked up to her right side. Seeing the friendly face she so clearly recognized and suddenly the voice fit right in. Winn’s expression was mild as he stood there right by her side with a bag of ice in his hand. His familiar features carved themselves into Maggie’s mind. Reminding her of the friend she’d lost together with Alex. She’d missed him. His dorkiness, his support and his big, friendly heart. A smile spread out over her face, the pain she felt in her lip barely making it visible but she did her best.

 

‘’ How are you feeling, Sawyer? ‘’

 Gently he placed the ice bag onto her eye, the pain having Maggie shrug away a little by the touch.

 

‘’ Like I got hit by a truck. ‘’

 She lifted her right hand, the pulse oximetry stuck onto her point finger as she brought it up to take the ice bag into her own hand. Holding it with a steady grip onto her eye while Winn carefully let go.

 

‘’ Well you’re lucky my friend, you got away with just some heavy bruising. ‘’

‘’ It’ll be gone in a few days. ‘’

 Maggie nodded carefully. At least that was something. She put down her right hand from her face again, studying the white material attached to her finger. Following the tubes to the monitors beside her bed.

 

‘’ Is all of this necessary then? ‘’

 Winn followed her look before he glanced back with innocent eyes and a half smile stuck onto his lips.

 

‘’ We just want to keep a good eye on you Maggie, if anything would change. In this condition though, you seem good. ‘’

 She nodded understanding, letting the words set in into her mind. She swallowed back the dryness in her mouth, hating the taste on the back of her tongue.

 

‘’ Want some water? ‘’

 She nodded again with eyes locking together, taking in every detail of the person before her. Maggie had never known that just looking at a person could make you homesick. She missed so much of her past life that she had. It wasn’t just Alex, it was everything that came together with her. Before Alex, Maggie had spent most of her time alone. Not really having any friends, her aunt lived 4 hours away and meeting new friends wasn’t something that Maggie did easily. She wasn’t good at smalltalk and usually hated the ‘’getting to know ‘’ part in the beginning of every relationship. She’d met a few women from different bars around town, or women who were friends with the people that she worked with. It had never been anything too serious, not like it had been with Alex. In fact everything had seemed easier with Alex. Maggie had wanted to get to know her, every small part of her. Hadn’t cared if they just stayed in silence because at least she’d got to be with her. Even finding new friends had seemed easier with Alex by her side. So when they broke up she didn’t just lose Alex, she lost a few of the only friends she’d ever gotten.

 Winn turned in his boots, making his way away from Maggie and towards the counter on the other side of the room. Maggie checked every step he took, glancing over every now and then to outside the room she found herself in, trying if she could get a glimpse of another familiar face. There was none. The rest of the DEO suddenly seemed very still from what it had done a few minutes ago.

 

‘’ Winn? ‘’

 He was quick to turn in his step when his name was being called. Maggie’s eyes far away from his, not needing to look him in the eyes but still feeling them glued onto her body. She swallowed down the question she so desperately wanted to ask, that she needed to ask.

 

‘’ Does Alex know? ‘’

 A hesitation.

 ‘’ Yes. ‘’

‘’ She’s been here since you got in. ‘’

 

*******

 

It had been five hours. Five hours since Alex got the phone call, five hours that Maggie had spent in the medical bay. Alex had made sure to stay with her as much as she could, checking her vitals and just been there for some support. A part of her wanting to be there when Maggie opened her eyes and another part of her scared of what Maggie would feel if she’d been there. Alex wasn’t sure how much support she was allowed to give,  that Maggie would allow her to give. With that realization she’d tried to be as supportive from a distance as best as she could. Walking past the room every now and then to see if she was awake of if there was any changing in her vitals. As horrible as it was to see Maggie like that, one of the worst parts was the not knowing. Not knowing what happened nor who did it. Alex couldn’t keep herself from immediately assuming that it had to do with their mission. That all of this happened on _their_ mission when she wasn’t there to protect her. But maybe that wasn’t the case at all, what if it had happened outside of work? On her way home?

 Alex sighed, running her hand through her short, slicked back hair. So many questions spinning around in her head and so much that she wanted to find the answer to.

 ‘’ Here you are. ‘’

 Kara’s voice soon interrupted her from her own thoughts, saving her from the questions she was drowning in. Alex looked over from where she was sitting on the stairs in the middle of the DEO, finding Kara’s eyes right before her.

 

‘’ Oh, yeah. ‘’

 A warm energy spreading out from the presence around them as Kara got closer to Alex, joining her on the step of the stairs where Alex had been sitting for the past hour. Friendly eyes greeted her own before Alex felt the warmth of Kara’s hand onto her knee.

 

‘’ Winn is with her now. ‘’

 Alex nodded by the assuring tone leaving the tip of her sisters tongue. Her heart starting to relax by the knowledge that Maggie was in safe hands of someone she trusted.

 

‘’ What do you think happened? ‘’

 Kara sighed, removed her steady eyes from Alex’s as she looked out into the distance, trying to figure out the answer to the question Alex was seeking.

 

‘’ I don’t know.. ‘’

‘’ She was unconscious when I found her, there was some bleeding to her face so I decided to take her here. ‘’

 Alex nodded understanding. Hating to picture the image in her head.

 

‘’ Do you have any idea of who could’ve done this? ‘’

 A ton of different thoughts kept running around in her head. All leading back to the same person even though it could’ve been anyone. A loud breath left her heavy lungs as Alex tried to come up with the answer.

 

‘’ I’m not sure. I told her about Mr. Hamilton, our biggest suspect for the case and I assume it’s possible that she could’ve gone after him by herself. ‘’

 Alex didn’t want to think about it, but it was the only answer she could come up with.

‘’ Well I think you, as her partner in this case need to tell her boss about this. Maggie still hasn’t woken up and he’s gonna realize that she’s missing. ‘’

 

Alex sharpened her eyes at that. It had been so many thoughts in her mind for her to even think about that. But Kara was right, Maggie had been gone for five hours already and if it turned into more then her boss would get suspicious and realize that something was wrong. If there was one thing that Alex could do it was to talk to Maggie’s boss.

 

/  
/  
/  
/  
/

 

Three loud knocks onto the white door before an older man finally opened it. Alex had spent a lot of time with the police department, especially since after Maggie and her got together. Both of their works were usually mixed with the other and often worked hand in hand so it had just became natural for the both of them to spend time at each other’s workplaces, usually though when the other was present. But since she had spent so much time with the police department she immediately recognized the familiar face on the other side of the door, just as much as he recognized her.

 ‘’ Director Danvers it’s late, what can I do for you? ‘’

 

Mr. Nelson was an older man, his now greyish beard covering up most of his face. He walked around with his reading glasses on top of his almost bald head and was professionally dressed in a tie and suit. He was the chief of the police department, the man with the biggest power but he was still one of the most caring people Alex knew.

 

‘’ Chief Nelson, hi. ‘’

 With unsure steps Alex walked closer into the room as Mr. Nelson opened the door wider for her to step in. He walked back to sit down on the other side of his desk while Alex carefully closed the door after her.  

 

‘’ How’s the case going? ‘’

The curiosity in his tone slipping out from the tip of his tongue, making Alex feel even worse about what she was about to tell him. She knew that Maggie was one of his favorite detectives, and she knew that the news she was about to inform him of would be hard.

 

‘’ Yeah, about that. ‘’

‘’ Detective Sawyer had an accident earlier this evening on a mission with the case we’re working on. ‘’

 The words were hard to let out but Alex knew that she needed to explain more no matter how stuck the words felt on the back of her tongue.

 

‘’ We’ve taken her to the medical bay at the DEO for some observation and keeping an extra eye on her, her vitals are stable at the moment but she’s been asleep for the past hours. ‘’

Mr. Nelson removed the glasses from his head. Ran a confused hand through his grey beard as his mind began to process the information.

 

‘’ Thank you for letting me know Director Danvers. ‘’

 Alex nodded back in response. Telling him was the least she could do. She watched as Mr. Nelson bit down onto his glasses while his mind was too occupied with the thoughts in his head.

 

‘’ You know, Detective Sawyer is one of my finest detectives and has been for years but I just.. ‘’

 The words stopped Alex. Nervous about the words that were about to leave the man’s mouth next.

 ‘’ What? ‘’

 

He sighed, placed the glasses on top of his head again as he sank back into his chair.

 

‘’ She’s been a little out of her game lately, and I need to ask you something Ms. Danvers and I need you to tell me the truth. ‘’

 His eyes dug deeper into Alex’s soul. Feeling his eyes like glass through her own.

 

‘’ Did she go alone? ‘’

 A million words spinning around in Alex’s mind. Trying to find the right thing to say. If Maggie had been out of her game lately like her boss was implying then that was all because of Alex, all her own fault. Her job was the one thing that Maggie had always been passionate about, Alex knew. And if she would tell her boss now that she actually did go alone then maybe that could just get her into more trouble. Trouble that Maggie didn’t need, especially now.

 

‘’ No, sir. ‘’

‘’ She was with me. ‘’

Mr. Nelson nodded understanding, letting the lie set into his mind. Alex watched with the guilty lump in her throat how the man before her wrote down something on a piece of paper before he looked back up at her again.

 

‘’ Keep her in for observation and when she gets better I want you to tell her to come meet me. ‘’

 

 


	5. Alex and Maggie Reunion part 5 of ?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back with the next chapter! Hope you enjoy it! :)
> 
> ( Sorry if there's some wrong grammar or spelling mistakes )

 

The darkness began to find its way to every corner in the big building of the DEO as the day had come to an end and the night sky started to settle in over the city. The chattering a little more quiet as more and more people ended their shifts and began to make their way home. Make their way home to the partners and families that awaited them. The warmth and love that greeted them just as they opened the front door. All the things that Maggie was missing out on. She watched how the people outside of her room said goodbye to one another, their big smiles upon their faces and couldn’t help but feel the stinging pain in her heart. The coldness in her stomach and the enormous feeling of being left out, of feeling like she was _missing_ out. A part of her not being able to ignore the vision her mind kept showing her, of what she could’ve had. Thinking that if she’d just felt differently she would’ve been married to Alex by now, maybe having a child with her. All three of them cuddled up on Alex’s couch with a bag of popcorn while watching some ridiculous movie. While the corner of her lips began to form themselves into a small smile the tears quickly found their way to her burning eyes. Maggie closed her watery eyes, trying to maintain the image a little longer.

.

.

.

.

_'’ Mama, hurry up it’s beginning! ‘’_

_Her light, calm voice filled the corner of the room. Spreading out a warmth, filling Maggie’s heart with fire and a feeling of home by the first word that slipped out of her mouth and her wife’s angelic laugh in the background to match with it. Maggie hurried to pour the popcorn from the bag into another bowl, looked over to see Alex and their five year old daughter already curled up on the couch in between blankets and a lot of pillows. Ready for the movie that was just starting with the quiet smattering of the fire from the fireplace in the background._

_‘’ I’m coming, I’m coming. ‘’_

_Maggie ran over to the couch with the bowl of popcorn in her hand, throwing a few into her mouth as she did so. She crawled in under the blankets closer to her daughter’s side. Trapping her between herself and Alex. Their five year old kept her head gently placed onto Alex’s chest as she threw her legs up over Maggie’s lap. Lying safely in the arms of her mothers. Maggie managed to sneak a glance over at Alex, a smile covering most of her wife’s gorgeous face while Maggie reached her hand for Alex’s. Their fingers locked together on the back of the couch behind their daughter who was too occupied with the movie. Maggie kept her stare at Alex, the sight of her sending shivers down her spine and the butterflies to appear in her stomach. Maggie had always thought that it was bull when people described love with those words, but now it was exactly what she was feeling. Never in her life had Maggie felt so at home, so safe and so loved._

A loud squeaking of the door immediately had Maggie open her eyes again. She looked over to the doorway in the dark room only to find Alex holding onto the door. Her eyes closed and her teeth biting down onto her lower lip. The image immediately had Maggie sit up more straight in her bed, a tiny gasp escaping her lips by the pain she felt in her tense body as she did so.

‘’ I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you. ‘’

Alex opened her eyes again, immediately having them greet Maggie’s own. Alex’s hair was messy, the bags under her eyes barely visible. The dark moonlight that reflected out onto Alex’s face somehow made Maggie think she was still dreaming. She squinted her eyes tiredly from just waking up, still feeling half-dazed.

‘’ It’s late, what are you..’’

‘’ .. what are you doing here? ‘’

Her voice raspy and weak, she watched as Alex made her way into the room. A light breath leaving the tip of Alex’s lips while her eyes met the ground.

‘’ Regular night check. ‘’

Maggie nodded, of course that was it. She’d almost forgotten that Alex was the director and in charge now and probably was the one who left the place last to make sure everything was okay.

‘’ Well, I’m good. ‘’

Maggie swallowed the uncomfortableness she felt growing in the back of her throat. Nervous to look up at Alex again she could feel the familiar, loving eyes scanning her. The wrinkle between Alex’s eyebrows barely noticeable.

‘’ Are you? ‘’

Maggie met Alex’s eyes, feeling them cut through her like a piece of paper. Burning her soul from inside and out. Grabbing her heart and ripping it apart all over again. Knowing all too well that Alex wasn’t just talking about this, made her forget how to breathe. She kept her stare at Alex and watched how she rolled over a footstool from behind her before she sat down on it near to Maggie’s side. Alex clasped her hands together in her lap, took a big breath from the depth of her lungs before she looked up at Maggie again.

‘’ I.. ‘’

‘’ I just got back from the police department because I had a little talk with your boss. ‘’

Maggie’s eyes widen, afraid to hear the rest of what Alex had to say.

‘’ Wh-.. why? ‘’

‘’ Because he needed to know about this Maggie. ‘’

Maggie shook her head lightly, not even wanting to think about the conversation she would have to have with her boss once she was out of this place. Not wanting to see the disappointment in his eyes, hearing him yell at her about how she messed up. Alex’s concerned eyes on her right now was already enough.

‘’ You didn’t need to do that, it was just a regular, simple mission it’s not a big deal I-’’

‘’ Look at you, Maggie. ‘’

Alex was quick to cut off Maggie from her excuses. It immediately had her stop mid sentence and collect herself with new air into her lungs. Alex raised her hand, as if to show Maggie what she’d put herself in.

‘’ What were you thinking? ‘’

‘’ You’re not indestructible. ‘’

Maggie shook her head, eyes far from Alex’s as she swallowed down the embarrassment. All she had needed to do was to find Mr. Hamilton and bring him in to the station and not even that could she do. It was such a simple thing and yet she had failed, it all had been going well until Maggie’s mind got distracted and her body reflexes not ready enough for the first punch that hit her face.

‘’ I almost had him, I..’’

Alex sighed, removed her gaze from Maggie’s and she could feel Alex’s disappointment from there. The humiliation she felt spreading out with a stronger energy around them. She’d always wanted to show Alex the best side of herself, showing her that she’s strong and can handle things excellent on her own. So the humiliation she felt now of not feeling good enough, made her want to disappear from the surface of the earth. She didn’t want to show Alex this.

‘’ You should’ve called me, Maggie.. I..’’

Alex’s voice was calm and mild, soothing Maggie’s racing heart but only making the guilt she already felt grow bigger. Alex’s eyes too loving to look into made Maggie turn her head. Not able to look into the eyes of the only person who could make her feel better but at the same time was the only one who could make her feel so bad. Knowing damn well that looking into Alex’s eyes now only would make her want to throw herself into her arms, having her hold her and tell her that it’s okay. So she continued to fight the urge to look back, continued to fight to have her eyes away from Alex. Because she knew that no matter how much she wanted Alex, no matter how much she wanted to be in her arms with her head against her chest and feel her comforting heartbeat under her ear, she couldn’t. Because Alex wasn’t hers anymore, wasn’t hers to put her hands on or to come to when she wasn’t feeling well.

‘’ I’m tired Alex, you should.. you should go home. ‘’

Maggie could hear Alex’s thick swallow from there, noticing in the corner of her eyes how Alex removed her eyes from Maggie and glanced down into her own lap with a string of hair falling over her face. A part of her wanting Alex to stay, wanting her to calm her the only way she could. But another part not being able to feel Alex’s presence without feeling like she was about to completely break into pieces. She could hear Alex shift in her seat, soon standing up and pushing the footstool to the side again. With every step Alex took further away from Maggie, she felt like she would scream. Scream for Alex to stay, just a little while longer. Scream for Alex to not leave her alone. But Alex soon stopped in her step, slightly turned her head over her shoulder as she glanced back at Maggie.

‘’ He wants to see you when you feel better, and he believes you were with me, so.. ‘’

The words had Maggie immediately turn in her bed, she met Alex’s friendly eyes with an unsure yet loving smile glued to Alex’s lips. It was still for a moment, Alex probably waiting for a response but Maggie couldn’t find any to reply with, nothing to fill the void she felt. The silence that creeped in on them stayed for a moment, a moment of eternity it felt like before Alex turned her heels and continued her way out of the room, leaving Maggie alone and broken in the dark.

 

********

Alex sighed, finally being able to let the emotions she’d locked in out to the surface. Feeling like she could finally breathe again as soon as she left Maggie’s room. The air in there had been suffocating her, the image of Maggie completely had her heart ripped apart. She’d never seen Maggie so broken, so unlike herself. Alex had been wanting to check on her one final time before she made her way home, completely ignoring the fact that she ended her shift hours ago. Just needing to get a final glimpse of Maggie, needing to see her stable heartbeat even though she knew nothing had changed in hours and probably wouldn’t change. From Winn’s explanation Maggie had been lucky and would feel better in a few days, maybe even in a few hours. But her heart had still dragged her to Maggie’s door. Watching as Maggie’s chest raised in an even rhythm with her stable breathing. Watching how Maggie’s bruised eyes were closed so gently while her mind probably travelled away to completely different places. It was only when Alex had relaxed a little too much, sunk a little too much into her step and accidentally leaned a little too hard onto the door that pushed it open with a way too loud squeaking. The noise had Maggie immediately open her eyes and Alex to feel like she was sinking through the world’s surface. Not ready for what awaited her, she had been afraid to open her eyes again. Alex had tried to remain calm during their conversation, even through the frustration that had started to gather in her body. Maggie didn’t need her to get angry, didn’t need her to put her self blame onto Maggie. So Alex had tried her best to stay calm, tried to be supportive and still not overstep. She didn’t want to scare Maggie off but she still wanted to be there for her, giving her everything that she needed.

Making her way away from Maggie’s room somehow felt harder with every step she took, the guilt eating her up from inside and out. The feeling of leaving Maggie alone while she went home didn’t feel right. There was some people still in the DEO though, working long hours and who would go home earlier in the morning when others started their shifts instead so Maggie wouldn’t be completely alone. Reminding herself of that Alex tried to calm herself a little.

‘’ It’s past midnight, are you still here? ‘’

Alex turned and found Kara run up to her side. Her blonde curls hanging down over both sides of her shoulders. Her red cape swinging in the wind while she moved herself forward. Thinking about how much the time actually was Alex could feel her whole body screaming at her that it was time to head home. Her eyes felt heavy and her legs felt weak.

‘’ Oh yeah, night checks. ‘’

‘’ Kevin does night checks today. ‘’

A teasing smile upon Kara’s lips, a curiosity in her blue eyes and Alex knew that the excuse didn’t work on her sister. A quick, nervous laugh escaped her mouth as a hand found its way to her forehead, removing the hair that kept falling down over her face.

‘’ I just needed to check on her. ‘’

Alex shyly admitted but the response didn’t seem to take Kara by surprise. Instead Kara nodded understanding while she kept her stare at Alex.

‘’ How did it go? ‘’

A loud breath leaving the depth of her lungs as Alex ran her hand through her hair, keeping it still on top of her head in an attempt to keep her hair from falling back.

‘’ I tried talking to her but I just feel like maybe she doesn’t want to see me. ‘’

The words hit Alex with a stinging pain, letting the thoughts out into words suddenly felt ten times worse. The way Maggie wasn’t looking at her, the way she was barely talking to her only had Alex fall deeper into the thought that Maggie didn’t want to be around her. Didn’t want to talk to her or even see her. Alex had destroyed what they had and she wouldn’t get it back, the friendship they once shared was ruined and it was all Alex’s fault. Alex soon felt Kara’s comforting hand onto her upper arm, rubbing gently up and down while her eyes provided as much support as they possibly could. The void in Alex’s heart grew bigger, the longing of wanting her best friend back. The longing of wanting back the only person who had ever really understood her. But Alex knew that the journey to get that back would be long, if she ever would be able to get it back.

 

/

/

/

/

The apartment was dark and still as Alex opened the front door. The coldness creeping in from the balcony door that stood slightly open. The curtains dancing from the wind gripping at them. Alex glanced over to her bedroom, noticing Kelly sleeping peacefully. Her legs between the blanket and her hand under the pillow, gently adding more support to her head. Her curly hair spread out over the big, white pillow. Her loud breathing and light snoring was heard all the way to the hall, spreading out a calmness in the dark apartment. Alex had already changed out of her DEO suit, now letting the leather jacket she was wearing slide slowly off her shoulders before she hung it quietly over the back of the couch. With small steps, afraid to wake her girlfriend she made her way over to the open door. It was almost too late for Alex to still be up, considering that she had work early again in the morning. The tiredness had already started to settle into her body. Making the aching in her head appear, her eyes harder to keep open. She closed the door before she made her way up the stairs towards the bed. Watching how Kelly slept so peacefully made Alex still in her step. Just observing every detail of the woman in her bed, the dark strings of her hair hanging down slightly over her face. Kelly had been so good to Alex, treated her better than Alex felt like she deserved. Alex kept feeling like she wasn’t paying enough attention to the woman she should be spending most of her attention to. Didn’t appreciate the dinners she made enough or love her enough in the way that she deserved to be loved.

Alex sighed, unzipped her jeans before she stepped out of them. The coldness immediately greeting her legs, leaving goosebumps over her skin. She changed into her pajamas before she moved the covers to join her girlfriend in bed. The warmth of her and the way the mattress adjusted to Alex’s body had Kelly release a groan in an instant. She moved closer to Alex, acknowledging the presence of her as she threw an arm around her waist. Gently letting her hand rest onto Alex’s abdomen. Alex quietly glanced over at Kelly who was still clearly sleeping, afraid that a sudden move would wake her up, Alex stayed still in the bed. Letting her mind run freely. Thinking back about everything that had happened. She reached down to Kelly’s hand onto her abdomen. Letting the warmth of her own hand embrace her girlfriend’s. The touch made Kelly shift in her sleep. Her body pressing even closer to Alex’s while her nose searched to hide into Alex’s neck. Feeling Kelly’s breath brush lightly onto her skin Alex closed her eyes. Letting herself fall into the moment, but just as she’s about to let her body and mind drift off to sleep the display of her phone lights up the darkness in her room. With a quick glance to her side she notice the text message on the lit phone on the nightstand beside her bed. Trying to fight the urge to look at the message, thinking that it can probably wait til the morning she miserably fails. She does her best to let Kelly’s hand slide off of her while she moves her body slowly away from her. She pulls a string of hair away from her face, letting it rest softly behind her ear as she grabs the phone. The name on the screen had her shift in her position in an instant, immediately raising her body to rest on her elbows as she reads the name over and over. _Maggie_. Urgent to read the text she unlocks her phone, quickly opening the message with her heart racing in her chest. Feeling as if she’s about to throw up and pass out at the same time, wondering if her eyes are playing tricks on her from the lack of sleep or if Maggie actually just had texted her.

_‘’ Thank you for covering for me. I owe you one. ‘’_

 

 

 

 

**********

 

‘’ Your vitals have been stable for 18 hours, no changing in your blood pressure or in your pulse. You seem more alert from all the hours of sleep you’ve gotten so I would say..’’

Winn kept his stare down onto the iPad in his hand while his fingers quickly traced the keyboard. Writing in new information about Maggie’s recovery. Maggie already felt like she had more energy. Her body didn’t feel as weak as before and it finally allowed her to sit up straight on the edge of the bed. A part of her just wanted to leave the DEO as fast as possible, no matter if her body would let her or not. She sat onto the hard mattress, her bare legs hanging down over the edge and her hands onto her knees trying to keep herself steady. She’d been borrowing a pair of black sweatshorts and a grey tank top from the DEO that she was more than ready to change out of.

‘’ .. you’re good to go. ‘’

Winn finished his sentence, looked up at Maggie with pure happiness in his eyes and onto his lips while he delivered the news to her. He walked over to her side with determined steps, got a grip onto the pulse oximetry attached to Maggie’s right point finger. Maggie watched as Winn unplugged her from all of the monitors, letting the needles and tubes away from her body. The beeping from her heart monitor soon stopped and spread out a calmness over the room. The energy in there already feeling a little lighter than it had done the day before. Maggie studied each move Winn made. Watched how he untangled the tubes from each other and pushed the monitors away from the bed as there was no need for them anymore. She watched how the smile and lightness on his face soon faded, saw the corner of his lips bend downwards as a serious look got stuck in his eyes. An eyebrow raised on Maggie’s face in confusion by the sudden change in his face.

‘’ You okay? ‘’

Maggie looked down on him, trying to get a better look onto his face. Trying to figure out what the sudden change of mood came from. Winn glanced back at her, eyes regretful as they tore into the bones in Maggie’s yet not healed body.

‘’ I’m sorry. ‘’

‘’ For what? ‘’

The words caught Maggie by surprise, having her pull away a little while the words settled into her mind. Her eyebrows furrowed, the wrinkle between her eyebrows just visible while trying to understand what Winn was talking about. What made him feel so regretful, what made his shoulder sink lower and his eyes barely able to meet Maggie’s.

‘’ For not keeping contact, for not reaching out to you.. I-.. ‘’

‘’ It’s okay. ‘’

His green eyes meeting hers, words settling into her mind like knives to her heart. She knew, he didn’t need to explain. Alex was his friend, and had been way longer than Maggie had. It wasn’t about picking sides, the breakup had been hard for other people too and Maggie didn’t blame Winn for not continuing to hang out with her, for not sending texts to check in on her. They had all done what they’d thought was right in the moment and there was no need to hold grudges for it now.

‘’ But I should’ve just-.. ‘’

‘’ Winn, you don’t have to explain. I mean it, it’s okay. ‘’

A deep breath left the depth of Winn’s mouth as he made his way over to sit down beside Maggie. The weight of his body making the mattress sink lower. His hands clasped together in his lap, his fingers stroking against each other in a nervous motion. The quietness spread out all around them, just the sound of footsteps outside of the room being heard.

‘’ Have you talked to Alex? ‘’

The question immediately engraved into her heart, setting it on fire by just hearing the loving name. A name that would always make her heart beat a little faster, her mind to work a little slower and her breath to get a little heavier. She nodded, surprised that Winn didn’t already know about it.

‘’ How does it feel? ‘’

‘’ Like someone cut a hole in me. ‘’

The admitted words left Winn’s eyes bleak and empty. His head to tilt a little, looking at her with a pity that Maggie didn’t need. She didn’t need those eyes on her, she didn’t need the silence of the not knowing what to say. It had been over a year, she should be doing better.

‘’ Has she told you about-.. ‘’

‘’ No. ‘’

Maggie was quick to cut him off, not needing him to say the word. Not being able to hear it.

‘’ But I know. ‘’

Maggie kept her stare into the distance, her mind feeling as if it was thousands of miles away. Some place better, some place where it was okay. The dryness in her throat making it almost impossible for her to speak. She looked down onto her lap as soon as she felt the heat of Winn’s hand on her own. His support calming her, making her feel less alone than she’d done for the last year. A simple touch being exactly what she’d needed. Hearing the sound of footsteps getting closer brings Winn to quickly wipe away the tears from his eyes. Looking up Maggie spots the red and blue coloring standing in the doorway, matched with the black right behind. Kara’s eyes meets hers with an unsure look. The awkwardness quickly filling the energy in the room while Winn moves away from Maggie.

‘’ I’m sorry if we’re interrupting, just stopping by to see how you’re doing. ‘’

Kara explains with Alex behind her, her eyes burning through Maggie. The light smile onto the corner of her lips as she stands shyly behind her sister who does most of the talking. Maggie clears her throat, runs her now sweaty hands over her thighs in an attempt to stay calm. In an attempt to make her heart slow down from the vision of Alex. She had texted Alex late last night, almost a little too late now that Maggie was thinking about it. But the conversation they had, the way Alex had been looking at her. Without getting a proper goodbye, her heart had just begged her to text Alex. Just needing to thank her for what she’d done. Her fingertips had been shaking, tracing over the letters on the keyboard as her mind tried to come up with the right words to say. Her heart racing as she sat alone in the dark while her fingers spelled out the words. She’d kept her stare at her phone the entire time from when she sent the text to when she’d gotten the reply. It had just taken a quarter of a second, she had been replying faster than Maggie thought she would considering that it’d been so late. Alex’s words settling into her heart, her eyes reading it over and over.

_‘’ Don’t mention it, it was the least I could do. ‘’_

Maggie looks up at Alex, the shy smile still stuck on her lips while her eyes meets the ground. Her focus too stuck up on Alex, Maggie barely hears the other voices in the room, barely notices the presence of the two other people.

‘’ She is doing great and is free to go home. ‘’

‘’ That’s great! Right Alex? ‘’

Alex didn't seem to notice the words either. Her eyes were still glued to the floor, every now and then looking up to shyly meet Maggie’s. The tension in the room getting thicker, the lump in the depth of Maggie’s throat and the void in her stomach getting bigger. Alex shifts in her position from where she stands just behind Kara. Her face just noticeable over Kara’s left shoulder. A deep breath leaves her mouth just as her sharp yet loving eyes meets Maggie’s again. This time holding them still a little longer, allowing herself to really see Maggie. To really look at her. It’s only when Kara bumps Alex’s side with her elbow that Alex really snaps out of it and acknowledges the others in the room.

‘’ What? ‘’

‘’ I said, ‘ isn’t that great, Alex?’  ‘’

Alex looks confused between Kara and Winn, having no idea what they’d clearly just talked about. Maggie watches curiously how Alex tries to find the words. Tries to sell the idea that she’d been listening the whole time.

‘’ Yeah, yeah! ‘’

She pulls her lips together, nervous eyes meeting Maggie’s.

‘’ That’s great. ‘’

Maggie nods, tilts her head. Her eyes feeling like fire on Alex, she tries to hide the fast raising of her chest that her racing heart was causing. Just trying her best to stable her heartbeat. She pulls her eyes from Alex’s with the last bit of strength that she had, forcing herself to not get caught up by the woman in front of her. A light smack onto her thighs before she stands up, Winn fast by her side if she would’ve needed help.

‘’ I’m good. ‘’

*******

As she walked closer to the building that awaited her she could feel her hands begin to get even more sweaty, her legs weaker and her throat even drier. The fresh air she felt onto her face, filling her lungs for the first time in over 24 hours immediately felt better though. Just getting out of bed was helping. But Maggie wasn’t quite sure she was ready for the conversation she was about to have. Having no idea of what exactly Alex and her boss had been talking about nor what he would say to her now. The bruising around her eye and the light scar on her cheek were still clearly visible, making it no way for Maggie to hide what had happened. At least Alex had covered for her, having no idea why but it definitely saved Maggie from getting into more trouble, definitely easing the conversation she was about to have. She took a deep breath, trying to get as much air as possible into her shaking lungs. Her heart feeling like it was about to jump out of her chest as she studied the familiar building in front of her. All she needed to do was to just walk in there, be straight up with her boss and take whatever he would throw at her. Mr. Nelson had always been a man that Maggie looked up to during her years in the workforce. The man more of a father figure than her own father had been. He had trained Maggie, pushing her to work harder, to test her limits and become the great detective that she was today. The one thing that Maggie had never wanted was for him to be disappointed in her, look at her with the same kind of eyes that her father once had before he kicked her out. Maggie swallowed the thoughts away, forcing her legs to move her forward and into the building. Might as well get over with it.

Two loud knocks onto the door before Maggie slowly opens it by herself. The man sitting on the other end of the room immediately looking up from the papers he was reading. His eyes lands on Maggie and he quickly removes the glasses from his face, places them on his desk as he throws a hand up in a gesture for Maggie to step in.

‘’ Sawyer, come in please. ‘’

Maggie smiles gently, studying the features in his face in a fear of change. His eyes still the same as they always was. Mr. Nelson was a hard man to impress and could be an easy man to disappoint. He could be hard and strict but also had a heart of gold. Maggie closed the door behind her. Her body suddenly feeling almost too weak to move her forward. Maybe she should’ve stayed at the DEO a little longer, dreading the conversation she was about to have. But she knew she couldn’t do that, and by the way she wasn’t sure if she could handle seeing Alex at all hours every day.

‘’ It's good to see you, how are you feeling? ‘’

Maggie sighed as she stepped forward, reminding herself to just be honest. To be strong no matter the outcome of the conversation. She scratched her forehead, pulled a string of hair behind her ear that had managed to escape to the front of her face. She cleared her throat, trying to get the words out through the thickness on the back of her tongue.

‘’ I’m doing better, sir. ‘’

Nelson nodded, keeping is stare straight at Maggie. Watching the scars on her face and the bruising it’d left in her skin.

‘’ You know, your partner Ms. Danvers was here late last night and spoke to me and explained your situation. ‘’

His hands working together with the words that left his mouth in gestures  in front of his body. Maggie listened carefully, nodding to the words as her boss kept going. Hearing the word partner and Alex’s name in the same sentence sent shivers down her spine, she knew what her boss had meant but it didn’t mean that the sentence still didn’t leave Maggie completely frozen in her step.

‘’ As I know, you and Ms. Danvers have been.. you know, having an intimate relationship for a longer period of time. ‘’

‘’ And as I understand you had a very serious relationship with each other. ‘’

Maggie looked down, eyes meeting the ground just trying her best to hold back the tears by the stinging pain that found its way to her gut. The words left her breathless and she wasn’t sure that her heart was ready for this type of conversation at the moment. Nelson must have noticed the uncomfortableness Maggie felt, the silence creeping in on them and his eyes digging even deeper into her skin.

‘’ You have been working for me for 10 years now Maggie, always been very careful and fearless in your work. You’ve become one of my strongest detectives and I’ve always been very proud of your job. ‘’

Maggie looked up at that. Her ears curious and her eyes focused.

‘’ This past year you’ve been.. more careless, not as focused and I think that staying here is not good for your job nor your career. ‘’

Mr. Nelson’s eyes burned through her. The words stressing her and making her legs feel even weaker as they were holding up her heavy body.

‘’ I have a job in the state of Washington. I have a friend in charge of  their police department that would love to have you working for him. ‘’

‘’ I want you Maggie, to consider taking the offer. ‘’

  
  



	6. Alex and Maggie Reunion part 6 of ?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally I'm back with the next chapter, so sorry for the wait. I hope you all enjoy the chapter, I've as usual read through it but there might still be some mistakes, just let me know if it's too bad.

The leaves had started to cover most of the streets in National City with its mixed red and orange like coloring as fall started to sweep in even more from the now faded summer. It was already the third week in October and the cold that kept leaving goosebumps over the naked skin on the back of Alex’s neck was just a proof that the cold days of the year was now greeting them. Alex’s hands were shaking from where they were placed into her pockets, aching from the cold that creeped into her veins and left a pink like color on her fingertips. The day had started to come to an end and the sundown covered the sky with a beautiful peach like color. The wind was dancing through the leaves on the trees, singing out in a fall anthem as they did so. Fall was one of Alex’s favourite parts of the year, apart from the cold and the fever she always seemed to get from it. But other than that, the spooky season, the cuddling between blankets to a horror movie with the rain pattering on the window was one of the few things that Alex enjoyed the most. It was just something special with it, something about fall and especially Halloween that Alex had always seemed to enjoy. Kara and Alex had always dressed up for Halloween when they were younger and gone trick or treating. Had always been carving up the pumpkins together with their mom, having a competition about who made the best one. It had been a tradition that they shared together and in the later years it had become something that Alex dreamed of sharing with her own kids one day. Seeing the joy in their faces and buying them new costumes to look adorable in. She wanted to have that some day but looking back to her childhood it was many years that Alex and Kara had spent it alone with their mom, and that was something that she didn’t want to experience or have her kids experience. The holidays is the time for families to be together, to share laughter and joy together. Alex wanted all the things that she got in her childhood for her own kids but she also wanted to give them what she herself was missing out on. And that was sharing it with someone special. To have both of the parents there, to share it with everyone that they cared about. Was Kelly the woman for that?

The bell to the café rang loudly as Alex opened the door. The sound of it immediately cutting her off from her drowning thoughts. The warmth and the chattering from within immediately greeting her. She ran a cold hand through her slicked back hair as she scanned the shop. It had just turned past six pm and not too many people filled the room. A few teenagers sharing warm drinks with their friends, an older man reading today’s newspaper while drinking a cup of hot coffee and.. Maggie. Alex’s eyes quickly scanned the woman. Her eyes wandering up and down over Maggie’s body, noticing every little detail of her body movement. Her hands were clasped together around the white cup on the table in front of her. The warmth of it coming up in a steam cloud in the air between her and the man she was talking to. Alex’s eyes quickly landed on the man on the opposite side of Maggie. Her eyes adjusting to the familiar face in an instant. Winn. The corner of Maggie’s lips were high up to her cheeks, the big smile clearly revealing the deep dimples on both sides.

Her eyes squinting as her smile got even wider while she lightly tilted her head as Winn kept talking. Watching from far ahead how the two people exchanged words to each other, laughing in between words when the other said something funny made Alex’s shoulders feel even heavier, her heart dropping in her chest and her stomach aching from the coldness that appeared. Alex wasn’t sure if Maggie and Winn had kept talking after their breakup, or if this was their first time together in over a year. Either way, Alex didn’t want to interrupt and probably neither did Maggie. This was their moment, Alex just hated not to be a part of it like she once was. Fighting the urge to walk over she determined moved her legs to the other end of the coffee shop and towards the disk. Her mind barely able to ignore the sound of Maggie’s laugh and Winn’s friendly voice that filled the room. Alex wasn’t sure if they’d seen her but from the lack of acknowledging her or change in their conversation Alex was pretty positive that they hadn’t and maybe that was for the best.

Alex hadn’t even noticed the doorbell as it rang, she’d been too busy blocking out the sound of the same laughter that used to make her heart beat faster but now only had it ripped in pieces to notice the door open and the cold hands to embrace her from behind. The touch immediately had her jump in her step and turn around to find Kelly behind her. Her nose pink from the cold and her eyes sparkling, slightly watery from the wind that had kept hitting her chocolate colored eyes.

‘’ Hey, I thought you’d wait for me outside. ‘’  

Kelly’s cold hands locked together with Alex’s while her eyes stared deep into her soul. They had been planning to meet up after work for a cup of coffee but the cold had dragged Alex inside and the sight of Maggie completely made her forget. She cleared her throat while her eyes blinked away the latest thoughts.

‘’ Oh yeah, I’m sorry. I thought I’d wait for you in here. ‘’

She tried to force a smile upon her lips, the result more coming out in an awkward thin line onto her face, but Kelly laughed through it. Squeezing Alex’s hands tighter with her own, Kelly’s lips were soon greeting hers. Her lips were cold and dry from the wind, the peck short before Kelly pulled away again.

‘’ Hey look it’s Winn! ‘’

‘’ And isn’t that the girl from the med bay too? ‘’

Kelly’s words echoed through the back in Alex’s mind while her eyes followed her girlfriend’s to land on the familiar faces to their right. The big smile was still glued to Maggie’s lips even while sipping down the coffee from her cup. Her eye was still somewhat swollen and the scar on her cheek was still clearly visible but she remained beautiful as ever. With her brown hair hanging down her back, a few strings behind her ear to reveal how frozen they were she sat with a smile on her face. A warm, grey sweatshirt under her black leather jacket that she still clearly insisted on wearing even in October, matched with her familiar black jeans and boots. She looked beautiful in the evening light.

Before Alex had time to react Kelly’s hand was soon gripping hers as she dragged her over the floor and closer to the two people that Alex had tried so hard to resist. Now though, she didn’t have it in her body to fight back nor did she have time to. They were soon up to Maggie and Winn’s side and the confused looks they received made Alex want to sink through the ground. Winn looked confused between the two before he awkwardly smiled back.

‘’ Hey, Kelly.. ‘’

‘’ .. Alex, what are you doing here? ‘’

Alex barely even wanted to look, afraid of the eyes that Maggie would greet her with. Her eyes glued to the floor she felt the tension between them only get stronger. The energy in the room completely changing from what it had been minutes ago while the lump in her throat got bigger. She could feel Maggie’s eyes stared down on the table while her lips were softly closed over the white cup as she sipped down the coffee. All Alex could think about was how much she regretted even stepping into the shop in the first place. Maggie had been so hard to read lately, had her guards so high up and Alex was afraid that a sudden move would mean that she overstepped or scared her away. And by the sight of Alex and her girlfriend interrupting them in their joyful conversation it felt a little bit like she was overstepping. All she could hear was Kelly and Winn’s light chattering in the back like an echo in her head while she just felt like closing her eyes and disappear. Sweaty hands found their way to Alex’s back pockets, lungs feeling like they were filled with stones as she did her best to keep her breathing stable. Her body shrinking to the bottom of her bones as the guilt ate her alive from inside and out. Alex’s heavy eyelids closed on her, deep breaths through her nose. She wanted to grab Kelly’s hand and take her out of the café to leave Maggie and Winn alone but her body felt cold as ice and completely frozen in her step and before she’d managed to get it to work she noticed Kelly reach a hand out in front of Maggie.

‘’ Hey we haven’t met. I’m Kelly, Alex’s girlfriend. ‘’

Alex’s eyes travelled to Maggie, watching for the reaction upon her face. She could feel her own chest raise in a heavy breathing and her hands were shaking in the back pockets of her jeans. Her eyes studied every little detail of Maggie’s face. Noticing her lips barely part with a slight intake of breath as her eyes widen and her eyebrows slightly raised. It didn’t take more than a second before Maggie shot a dejected look to Alex. Her wistful eyes burned through Alex’s own. It was quick before Maggie looked away again, focused her eyes back on Kelly as she got a grip of her hand.

‘’ Maggie. ‘’

The response was short but clear. Alex hadn’t told Kelly much about Maggie, thinking about it she wasn’t sure if she’d even mentioned her name. It had been too painful and felt like it wouldn’t make a difference either way so Alex had left that part out. Which made this situation a little easier as Kelly had no idea who she was and therefore didn’t feel the discomfort as much as the other three of them did. Feeling Kelly’s waiting eyes on her she almost felt obligated to say something herself. She met Kelly’s eyes before she cleared her throat and turned them back to Maggie. Her throat feeling too dry to be able to get any words out.

‘’ Are you, uhm.. feeling any better? ‘’

She watched how Maggie let her fingertips wander over the white cup in her hands, gently playing with the glass while her eyes remained focused in front of her, eyes far from Alex’s.

‘’ Yeah uhm.. ‘’

Clearing her own throat Alex could sense that Maggie’s mouth had dried up just as much as her own.

‘’ It’s better. ‘’

Maybe the physical wounds on her body was but Alex could tell that there was more that was yet to be healed. Wounds that would take longer and required more than just some bandages to get better. Wounds and scars that Alex didn’t know how to help with, if she could help with. Wounds that she had put on Maggie’s body, scars that her words had left on Maggie’s skin. She swallowed back the guilt that had gathered in her throat, her hands finding their way out of her pockets as she clasped them in front of her body. She let her hands move against each other in a nervous motion while the silence covered all four of them.

‘’ So uhm, has Maggie told you about..’’

Winn cut himself off when he noticed Maggie’s glaring look. Her head shaking in a determined motion with her brows raised widely on top of her head. Alex watched how Maggie’s eyes shot fire as they stared right through the man on the opposite side of her. Her hands tightened around her cup before Winn swallowed back the rest of the sentence and sunk down on the chair again. Alex kept her eyes between them, wandering from one of them to the other while she felt her heart begin to beat faster. Her curious mind trying to read whatever was on Maggie’s.

‘’ Told me what? ‘’

She wasn’t even able to stop the words as they slipped out of her mouth. Her mind too curious to stop, her heart too fast and her breathing too heavy to control she studied Maggie as she leaned back in her chair. Pulled back the string of hair that had managed to fall over her face to place it gently behind her red, cold ear again. Watched how her chest raised as she inhaled a deep breath to her lungs before she cleared her throat.

‘’ It’s nothing, my boss has a new job for me. ‘’

‘’ Don’t be shy, Sawyer. A new, better job in Washington. You’re gonna rock it. ‘’

The words cut like knives through Alex’s heart. Feeling her heart sink to her lower abdomen as it tore her open in all the fragile places. Her mind became blank and her breathing completely stopped. Her impassive eyes watched Maggie shift in her seat. Her mouth swallow back the lump in her throat while her doleful eyes remained on Winn. Alex didn’t even hear how her girlfriend congratulated Maggie on the job, her eyes were too focused on Maggie, trying to understand if she’d heard it right and what it all meant. Feeling as if the world completely disappeared around her, her mind to work faster than it ever had, trying to sort out the information that she just had been given. Was Maggie leaving?

 

************

 

Her heart skipped a little with every familiar item she put her eyes on as her hands searched through the few boxes that she had placed in her office. Maggie hadn’t looked through it since the breakup, too many painful memories stuck in every item for her to have the strength to deal with it. Most of the stuff was different things that Alex had packed down, Maggie hadn’t had the heart to do it. Sorting through all of her things, deciding what was hers and what wasn’t. The things they had shared was the hardest to deal with. Many of those stuff they had just decided to throw away. Now though, it was time that Maggie faced it. If she would take the job and move away then she had to look through her things. Her aunt didn’t have room for her to come with several boxes so it was just the most important stuff that could go with. As painful as it was to see everything again, a part of her almost felt relieved to do it. She’d pushed it away for too long, ignored her past for way too long and maybe if she would be able to start over she had to face her past first. To be able to start over stronger, to build herself higher. Maggie’s heart beat fast on the inside of her ribcage as she sat on the floor in her office. Her hands deep in one of the boxes, searching through the things as much of it was already placed all around her on the floor. So far it had mostly just been clothes, work stuff, porcelain and other small furnitures, lights and bed sheets. She couldn’t hide anymore, couldn’t keep running from her past. Her earlier encounter with Alex and her girlfriend was just a reminder that no matter what you do, no matter how you feel, life keeps going. Alex had done it, so why couldn’t she? Maggie doesn't think she’s ever felt so small as to when Alex and Kelly had walked up to their side. She had just told Winn about her new job, telling him that she was so unsure of what to do while he kept trying to hype her up, to make her feel excited for it rather than so torn. Thinking about it, it was probably the first time in months that she had genuinely laughed. The first time in months that she had relaxed and let her mind rest for a while, let herself be happy and enjoy the moment. It wasn’t until Kelly was quick to their side with Alex right behind that Maggie’s heart dropped all over again. She’d just seen Kelly for a brief moment the first day her and Alex met again, but seeing her up close, being able to really look at her it was no wonder Alex liked her. The woman was pretty. Her eyes were dark as the night sky, the skin on her face silky smooth with a few brown freckles over her nose. Her lips were full and big and her hair long and curly. The woman looked beautiful. But the sight of Alex, her short slicked back hair, her innocent brown eyes and her nose pink from the cold kept Maggie from being able to hold the gaze for too long. The sight of her would always make her heart beat faster and her breathing to get heavier. She’d barely been able to look at them, the sight tearing her heart to pieces and her body to sink even lower on the chair.

Spotting the wooden frame from the bottom of the box she gently gets a hold on it. The curiosity taking over her body as she turns the frame in her hand. The image immediately stopping her heart. Her eyes wander over the picture, a picture they took from the wedding shower. Their smiles up wide on their cheeks as they hold on to each other with one hand and have a drink in the other. Their eyes smiling almost bigger than their lips as they stare at each other with the board of baby pictures behind them. It had been such a good day, at least start of the day, until her father ruined everything that is. But the smile on their faces, the love that they shared. That was something that was missing. Maggie gently let’s her left thumb run over Alex’s face. Her soft hair that she once loved running her fingers through. Her neck that she would leave wet kisses over. Just the steady and warm embrace of her that Maggie always felt so safe in. Would she ever be able to feel that way again? About anyone? She never had before, not in the same way and she was afraid that she never would again either. A single wet teardrop suddenly escapes her eye and finds its way to land gently over the picture. Landing between herself and Alex, perfectly capturing how it had all changed. The smile once on their faces when they were together, replaced with the tears on their cheeks when they were alone. Maggie quickly wipes away the wet path it left on her skin as soon as she hears her phone buzz on the floor beside her. The name that lights up the display has her shift in her position on the floor in an instant. Sitting more upright she opens the text message Alex just sent.

_‘’ I’m sorry about earlier. ‘’_

She reads through the letters, knowing too well what Alex was referring to, she had been particularly quiet during their meeting and probably felt uncomfortable in the situation too.

‘’ _It’s okay, Alex. ‘’_

It gets still for a while, just watching how the writing dots appears and disappears again and again only has Maggie’s heart beat even faster. Maggie knows that Alex wasn’t the one to blame for this, blaming her would only be wrong. She deserves to be happy. Maggie stays still and quiet while she’s waiting for the next response that Alex clearly is writing. The waiting is only building up the tension even more, only making the hole she felt in her gut grow bigger. It takes long before the next reply is finally received.

‘’ _Are you taking the job? ‘’_

Maggie could feel every part of her body turn. She’d never been more unsure of anything in her life. Just the five words had her mind spin all over again. She had been trying her best to put the pros and the cons against each other. Starting the new job would mean getting better paid, having a stable place to live until she was able to buy her own place. It would also mean meeting her aunt again and have someone in her life that she could turn to. But was she ready to actually leave National City? Was she actually ready to leave her work and the few friends she had, and Alex? After all it was her home, she’d moved to National City when she was twenty years old and had lived there for more than ten years now. Slowly she let her fingers trace the letters on the keyboard, making up words before her mind had time to process what she was writing.

_'’ I don’t know. ‘’_

It doesn’t take long before her phone buzzes again and this time a more joyful name pops up on the screen, easing a little of the weight her heart was carrying, she opens Winn’s text.  

_Hey girl, feel like going out tonight? Need to celebrate that new job with some drinks._

_‘’ It’s on me. ‘’_

_************_

 

A spinning mind recognized all the small details around her. Everything from the chattering and laughs in the booths to the sound of the three people playing pool in the middle of the bar. All the noises mixed together with the heavy beating of the bass had Maggie’s heart jump in her ribcage. Her heart dancing to the rhythm of the music made her whole body feel uneasy while she watched Winn chug down his fifth beer for the night. The fact that Maggie had had a few of her own probably didn’t help the rollercoaster that her mind felt like it was on. The only thing it did was probably just add more to it. She kept her watch on Winn as he wiped away the few drops of beer that ran down his chin before they had time to reach his navy blue button up shirt. He had insisted on taking her out for the night, get a few drinks and just enjoy the time together. Thinking of it now, Maggie wasn’t sure if Winn or herself needed this the most. At least he seemed to have a good time. The smile proudly upon his face as he finished another beer and just now started to let it get noticed. Watching how his eyes got more and more distant after each drink just revealed how she herself was feeling. The liquid running in her veins, affect her mind, controlling the thoughts that kept coming back. Maybe a night out of just losing herself completely was exactly what Maggie needed. To just let herself have fun, to forget everything other than what was happening right now.

The alcohol reaching her mind, taking over her body with courage and carelessness she got a hold of Winn’s hand, dragged him up from the chair he was sitting on and towards the dance floor. Mumbles of confusion left him from the sudden move as Maggie walked him over to the rest of the people that were dancing. She turned him over, now facing him. The bass beating hard inside her chest, the music running fast in her veins, having her body move to every beat. She watched how Winn was left open mouthed, still tense and unsure. Just the thought of it spread Maggie’s lips even wider, her eyes squinted in a smile by seeing how uncomfortable he looked from the thought of having to dance.

‘’ Come on, Winn! It’s fun, dance with me. ‘’

A slight laugh escaped his lips.

‘’ I don’t dance, Sawyer. ‘’

He tried yelling through the music, the words barely being heard from the heated crowd and the blasting music. A genuine laugh found its way from the depth of Maggie’s lungs, her lips spreading even wider on her face as her dimples dug into her skin. Her hips swaying to the beat of the music. Maggie wasn’t much of a dance person either but maybe she could just let herself get lost in it for a second. Closing her heavy eyelids she let the sound of the music move her. Her hands wandering up her body to get tangled in her own hair. Feeling the heavy bass take control over her body, letting the alcohol from the drinks affect her mind, make her moves more bold with each step. Feeling her mind travel away, two warm hands on her hips from behind drags her back to reality like an anchor stuck to her body. Her eyes flutter open, noticing Winn back away from her with an encouraging smile on his lips. He nods towards her before he mouths _Dance with her._

With a confused mind she turns in her step, her dazed eyes greeting the other woman. A woman slightly taller than herself. Her hair is dark and long over her shoulders. Her eyes blue like the clear sky. Her jawline sharp as a knife and her body smooth as it moves to the music. The other woman’s hips moves in pace with the beat in her ripped jeans. Her hands stay on Maggie’s hips, guiding her to dance in pace with her. A confident smile glued to the taller woman’s lips while Maggie let’s her hands wander up to rest on her shoulders. Her fingers lightly playing with a string of the woman’s almost black hair as they sway together. The beat guiding them together, feet stepping closer as bodies press together. The energy around them heating up while Maggie keeps her stare into the woman’s eyes. Eyes more blue than the ocean, skin smooth over her face. A simple necklace around her neck that Maggie slowly let her fingers get tangled in. Glancing down at the woman’s neck before she steps even closer. Feeling how the taller woman keeps her hands steadier on Maggie’s back.

Maggie hasn’t been with anyone for a while, hasn’t felt the connection, the tension or the touches. It felt good to let the woman touch her, let her fingers wander from Maggie’s back to slowly up over her jawline. Carefully caressing her skin as Maggie’s lips slightly parted. Needing more air into her lungs as the energy around them quickly got heated. A confident leg between her own, slowly grinding up on her in beat with the music. Maggie could feel her heart begin to race, her breathing to hitch as she let her hungry eyes wander over the woman. Feeling her own hand cupping her neck and the side of her cheek as she stepped even closer. Lips brushing slightly over Maggie’s jawline. Hands tangled up in her hair, a body grinding up on her own. The world around them suddenly felt faded, lost in the moment Maggie could feel the beating of the bass take control over the rhythm of her heart. Her eyes heavy and dazed she slowly closed them, letting her body do the rest of the work as she sunk into the moment. Feeling the woman’s lips gently brush against her own, soon enough welcoming them with her own in a hungry touch. Her hands travelling to the back of the woman’s head, getting a steady grip of her as she let’s her lips dance with hers. The kiss is wet and messy, tongues greeting each other with a taste of liquor. Hands getting tangled in her hair, soft, light moans escaping both of their lips. Maggie let’s herself feel it, every little touch. Let’s her hands caress the woman’s soft hair. Hair too long to be Alex’s, a body not muscular enough, touches not gentle enough to be Alex and a kiss too messy to be.

Maggie breaks the kiss and slightly steps back. With a ragged breathing her eyes wander over the woman, a woman who is far from Alex. With doubtful legs to back her away, eyes still feeling half-dazed, she watches how the woman stands still, eyebrows raised in a confused expression before Maggie turns on her heels and exits the bar.

 

*************

 

 

The hot steam of the shower cover every corner of the mirror. With a light touch Alex gently let’s her hand drag over it, revealing the image that’s staring back at her. Eyes empty and doleful she watches every detail of herself. Wet hair hanging down slightly over her forehead, skin red over her chest from the warm shower. Her mind running in a thousand miles, trying to deal with the thoughts in her head, the feelings in her heart. She slowly drags a hand through her wet hair, keeping it from her face and instead letting it rest on top of her head. Just needing to stay still for a moment, get a moment to breathe, she inhales deeply. The thoughts of Maggie spinning around in her head for the past hours. Alex didn’t even want to think about her leaving again, they’d barely talked yet and now she was losing her all over again? The thought of not seeing Maggie, of not being able to talk to her had Alex’s heart sink in her chest. It took months for her to just get used to the idea the first time, she couldn’t go through it all over again. She inhaled deeply, letting the warm air fill her heavy lungs before she opened the bathroom door and stepped out. The cold, fresh air from the other part of the apartment immediately hit her, the steam from the bathroom floating out over the living room.

Making her way up the stairs and towards her wardrobe she find Kelly sitting on the couch, the phone tightly gripped in her hand, her brows furrowed and her eyes focused.

‘’ You okay? ‘’

Alex opens the wardrobe, glancing over to Kelly every now and then for a slight reaction but her focus stay still on the phone. Grabbing a pair of sweatpants and t-shirt to put on the bed for her to put on later Alex notice how Kelly still hasn’t reacted to her latest question.

‘’ Kelly? ‘’

With a softer tone she tries again, noticing Kelly shift in her seat before she stands up, eyes still locked on the phone.

‘’ I was gonna use your phone to call mine because I can’t find it but instead.. ‘’

‘’ I found a few text messages between you and Maggie. ‘’

Alex could feel her breathing stop, a punch to her gut before her mind got blank. She watched Kelly throw down the phone on the couch again in a determined motion. Her glowering eyes met Alex’s and there and then she could feel the guilt eat her up. This was the one thing she didn’t want to put Kelly through, the one thing she didn’t deserve.

‘’ It’s her, isn’t it? ‘’

‘’ What are you talking about? ‘’

‘’ Your ex Alex! The one you were going to marry! ‘’

Kelly’s voice quickly raised, words cutting through Alex like a scissor through a paper. Her eyes watery as she stared down Alex to the bones. The lump in the back of Alex’s throat only got bigger, her breath heavier as she tried to find the words. She had been trying to tell Kelly before but letting the thoughts out into words had been so hard.

‘’ Yeah, it is her. ‘’

Kelly throws her hands up in a gesture of anger, a quick gasp escapes the depth of her throat as she removes her eyes from Alex’s.

‘’ Unbelievable. ‘’

Feeling like a target with arrows aiming straight for her heart, Alex can literally feel it sink to the bottom of her chest. Her heart ripped apart in the middle, guilt taking over most of her body as her shaky legs tries their best to move her forward. Just needing to get to Kelly, to tell her that it’s not what she thinks. That her time with Maggie is long gone and that her future is with her, that she has chosen her future to be with Kelly.

‘’ Kelly please, it’s not like that. I love you. ‘’

She quickly got a grip of Kelly’s upper arm but just as fast had it shrugged away again with a following _don’t touch me._ Alex could feel herself sinking through the ground, or at least wanting to. Her unsure hands found their way to clasp together in front of her body, her mind challenged of what she was supposed to do. She stood still, watching how Kelly slowly walked away from her before she turned in her step to finally face Alex again. A light but unsure laugh coming out from the bottom of her chest.

‘’ It makes so much sense. ‘’

‘’ What do you mean? ‘’

Their eyes met, fire being exchanged in the energy between them. Kelly’s eyes cutting through Alex’s pleading own.

‘’ Why you’ve acted more distant than usual, why you’ve barely been intimate with me for the past couple of days. You’ve felt so far away and it’s all because of her isn’t it? ‘’

With new bold moves, Alex stepped forward. Standing just in front of Kelly now in only a white towel around her and with wet hair dripping down onto the floor.

‘’ Kelly, I’m over Maggie. ‘’

Alex watched how Kelly’s eyebrows furrowed, her lips biting the insides of her round cheeks as her mind processed Alex’s words.

‘’ Then what’s going on? ‘’

‘’ Tell me, Alex. ‘’

A loud breath left the depth of her lungs, a breath she didn’t even realize she was holding until now. Her mind searched for the words but had trouble finding them herself. Because no matter how over Maggie she was, she was still the first person Alex ever truly loved. She was her first real love and that would always hold a special place in her heart. Would always make her heart beat a little faster and her mind to get a little lost. Kelly kept her stare as Alex struggled to find the words.

‘’ I just… ‘’

‘’ Save it Alex, just let me know when you’ve figured it out. ‘’

The front door was soon closed behind Kelly as she made her way out of the apartment, leaving Alex still and alone in the middle of the living room.

 

/

/

/

/

/

 

The loud blasting of the music was heard long out on the street from the bar that Alex’s legs were determined to take her to. Alex hadn’t heard from Kelly since their fight in the apartment an hour ago, having no idea where she was or when she would come back. The one thing Alex didn’t want to do was to hurt her and yet she had succeeded of doing just that. With the cold wind leaving goosebumps over her skin under the fabric of her clothes, Alex’s mind kept replaying her latest conversation. Too many different thoughts in her mind for her to be able to think clearly. Too many questions for her to answer. She had been close to share a lifetime with Maggie, with a woman who taught her what love was, who made her feel love and be loved for the first time in her life. Of course that would always stick with her, would always be something special. But Kelly had been right, Alex’s latest thoughts had been occupied by Maggie. But no matter how hard she tried to forget about it all, to push the memories and the old feelings away, she just couldn’t. Somehow they always found their way to the surface and no matter what Alex did she just couldn’t stop it.

She opened the door to the building, letting the warmth and the loud beating of the bass embrace her. It had just turned past ten at night and more people filled the building. Walking over the floor she scanned the room, people busy with playing pool, people drinking and sharing a good time at the bar and then there was the people dancing their hearts out to the loud music they kept blasting on the dancefloor. Watching how their bodies moved together with the music, hips swaying to the beat. Alex would never have it in her to dance like that, not unless she had a few drinks first, which was the reason she showed up at the bar in the first place. Her latest and only fight with Kelly had her in need of some alcohol to push it down. To ease the guilt she already felt just a tiny bit. To make her forget the thoughts of Kelly and of.. Maggie. She inhaled deeply as she turned and was about to walk over to the bar only to stop in her step.

Her eyes spotting the brunette. Her eyes burning through the woman on the dancefloor. Alex’s heart sinking in her chest as she noticed Maggie, close up to another woman. A woman that Alex had never seen before. Their bodies swayed together, one of Maggie’s hands on the woman’s chest with her fingers tangled in her necklace and the other up to the woman’s neck, gently pulling her closer. Alex’s eyes wandered over the pair, noticing the woman caress Maggie’s soft skin on her cheek, her eyes closed while her lips brushed slowly over Maggie’s jawline. The sight had Alex freeze in position from where she stood. Her body unable to move, unable to do anything than feel her heart being stepped over and torn apart as the other woman was grinding up on Maggie. Watching how their lips soon locked in a passionate kiss. Maggie’s hands messy up in the other’s hair and Alex felt smaller than ever before just there and then. Her throat dried up, feeling as if someone just punched her in the gut. She didn’t get any air in to fill her lungs, suddenly feeling like there was no air left on the surface of the earth. Watching Maggie, close up to another woman had Alex’s eyes water, her legs turn to gel and her stomach twist in her body. Not wanting to think about their lips against each other, the woman being able to touch Maggie in a way that Alex wasn’t allowed to anymore. It cut her broken to the core. Feeling like she had already seen more than she was supposed to, Alex slightly backed away. Stumbling upon a few people as she backed towards the front door.

‘’ Hey watch it.’’

An angry voice echoed through her ears, her mind too faded to care, her eyes too watery to see clearly she watched Maggie close to the other woman a final time before she turned around and walked out of the building.

 

 


End file.
